We're still cooking

The Dr apt went good yesterday no progression with the contractions which is awesome lets just keep it that way. I didn't see my regular Dr she is on vacation so the dr filling in for her was retired and adorable! He put us on a no travel (father than an hour) schedule and said it could be days or weeks but its better to stay close. The contractions have slowed down to every 8-10 minutes last night I felt great. Today not so hot I hope its just the lack of sleep!
Thanks everyone for your concern and prayers! We are so blessed to have you in our lives!

A Night in Labor and Delivery

We had A FABULOUS Christmas first of all! Ray spoiled me rotten as he always does! We spent the night at Ash & Mikes the gave up their bed for us LOVE YOU! We spent Christmas morning with them it was SOOOO FUN! Then spent the rest of the day with family it was great! We had a relaxing Sunday until about 7PM then I started contracting every 15 minutes, then 10, then 8. I got in shower I was not about to relive the week we had with Blaze if we had to go into the hospital with no shower. They didn't stop so I got in the tub... still didn't stop so we went to bed and I told Ray I would wake him up if they got worse...
3AM I wake up with killer contractions. I waited about 20 minutes.. they were every 4 minutes. I woke Ray up and into Labor and Delivery we went. They looked at me like I was a little crazy there was no way I was contracting that close... hooked me up and we were there for 4 hours contrations never stopped. But I am not dialiating so they sent me home and told me to take it easy. The contractions are still going about every 6-10 minutes now... (Tues Morn) But I guess as long as I'm not progressing I can take the contractions. Just one more week. I have a Dr apt this morning hopefully there is no progression :)

Update on Life and Baby G

Okay so since we don't have the Internet... at home I am not so good at posting pics AHHHH but I will :) After Christmas I promise :)Update
We've had Christmas Parties every weekend for the past 3 weeks ward, Huff, and Nessen and 2 baby showers (Nessen & Huff) in between... lets just say this little man is one loved little boy! His room is Farm Animals OH MY HEAVENS lets just say I love to go in his room just to see how adorable it is!
We've had a few Dr appts... for the most part good he is right on schedule and SOOO wiggly I love it! This week I've been having lots of contractions (this is not the first time with this little boy) So I went in for my checkup I'm starting to Dilate so they gave me the 2 shots in my hips to develop his lungs (34 weeks is our goal and we are now 32 1/2) We are so close! Our focus is to make it thru these next few weeks without this little man coming. 34 weeks is a HUGE milestone its when the babies lungs are fully developed... so as a Mom who has had to love her baby from the NICU incubator we are trying so hard to keep him in.... a little stressful to say the least. Anxious to meet him but scared he's wanting to come too soon.
Ray and I both finished this last semester WHAT A RELIEF to be done! Lets just say I realized I'm not as young as I used to be... school, work, and home life about put me under. Ray only has 1 more Semester WOOO HOOO well then 1 class in the Fall unless he decides to pursue a minor in Nuclear Engineering... we're still waiting on that one. He's had 2 AMAZING job offers... that's all I can say for now :)
I just got called to be in the Primary Presidency as the 2nd councilor AHHHH I am so excited I LOVE PRIMARY I never thought I would like it and with all the callings I've had PRIMARY is my FAVORITE one!
That us in a nutshell Pics to come after Christmas... Maybe Santa will bring us the Internet at home :) HINT HINT
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

A Thankful Heart

I can't believe November is over... I have always heard the older you get the faster the time goes... it is proving to be true and I don't like it. As I look back over this year I can't believe how fast it has gone by. In 13 days Blaze would be 18 months old... he would be old enough to go to primary and it seems so unreal to me. Once being in a situation that I thought I would literally die because of now we are almost 18 months past it. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him, we still pray for him, and feel his missing presence in our home. How grateful we are to be blessed with and angel in our lives. Not everyone gets that extra incentive to carry on from the other side and we are grateful for him everyday.
November is done but I wanted to post what I have been so grateful for this year as not to forget before the holiday busyness kicks in.
I am thankful for:
Ray he is my rock, the love of my life, and the BEST Husband a girl could ever hope for.
Family (Mine and Rays) words can't express how grateful I am to be loved and to love such amazing people. I feel constantly blessed to be surrounded by such great people
who love and give so much.
Great Friends Ray and I are so blessed to have such great friends who lift us up and help us along lifes journey
Health this is a big one for me I am so grateful that I have legs to walk and run, Eyes to see people I love and beauty all around me, Ears to hear laughter, and all of the ablities to enjoy this life without limitations.
Freedom I am grateful to be an American, for those who have gone before me to have what I do today and for those who sacrafice so much to defend our freedoms.
A Home to live in
Power
Heat
The Gospel I love being a primary teacher with Ray it is the BEST calling ever!
My Savior He has saved my soul and carried me in moments when I couldn't carry myself
My Sister Without her I would be completely lost and talk Rays ears off..
My Boys Blaze in Heaven and Baby G who is active and growing
Being an Aunt I LOVE IT! It is the best thing ever!
I am thankful for so many things! I feel blessed beyond what I can fully express. I hope this holiday season is filled with Thankfulness for all the little things that really become the big things in life.

First Annual Nessen Nerd Night

We had the first annual Nessen Nerd night. It was a Blast as you can see in pictures we ALWAYS have a great time when we get together!
Jeremy & Stacey as Napolian Dynomite he even had the boots
Me & Ray
My Mom & Dad
Aunt Tammy & Uncle Byron
Ash & Mike (I loved mikes wig I couldn't stop staring at him HILARIOUS!) Nash he thought it was hilarious too!

Seriously Soup?

Okay so last week I decided to be a domestic woman and instead of buying canned beans I would buy them dry and cook them... not a big deal I have done this before. So here is how it played out...
Monday morning measure out the beans and soak them in water before I leave for school and work. Come home they've been soaking all day perfect. Make dinner and cook the beans for 1 1/2 hours. Get distracted beans run out of water and BURN ARRRRG What a waste! Throw them away, open the windows and get out the room spray to kill the burned smell. Oh well lamo!
Wednesday repeat the steps of Monday. Other than... this time I was SOOOO tired and I feel asleep while the beans were cooking (an hour and a half is a long time peeps) I wake up to Ray running in the kitchen and BURNT BEANS ARRRRRRRGGGGG! I think "Why can I not just make these beans... am I not supposed to make this yummy soup?"
Friday repeat steps of previous days... but I DIDN'T burn the beans this time. They were perfect. I put them in the fridge to make soup for dinner on Sunday.
Sunday come home from church, put all ingredients in crock pot and let slow cook for a couple hours... all is well it smells delish! Tyrel & Elena will be here in an hour and it we'll have delicious soup. I take the lid off the crock pot... (which doesn't have a handle btw it broke forever ago so I use a hot pad) Stir the soup, put the lid back on and walk away. From the other room I hear a loud BANG. I thought Ray had dropped something. I come down the hall and he tells me not to step on the kitchen floor... why I ask??? Because our Crock Pot lid just EXPLODED! What in the world??? Why was I not supposed to make that soup! Ray jokingly said "Honey if you wanted a new one all you had to do was ask" NOT COOL PEEPS NOT COOL! I was upset at so much wasted food and a perfectly good crock pot that now has no lid at all... she end was perfect however. we whipped up some other soup that was delicious and had a great time with T&E.
Stay tuned for NERD NIGHT pictures to come :)

My Amazing Husband

Just a little shout out to the Love of my Life Ray!
Yesterday was the Chem E car Nationals held her in Salt Lake City. For those of you who don't know what that is (I had no idea before I married a Chemical Engineer) the chem e car team builds a car from scratch that they have to make run on chemical reactions. They have to make it go so far and then stop only using chemicals. Pretty Crazy Stuff :) Here is a pic of their car.. Ray had decided not to go because it was Sunday however... during church he kept getting calls from guys on his team panicing that he wasn't going to be there. So after church I encouraged him to go. He has worked super hard to help with this project and his team needed him. So I was relaxing at home and the news came on and they did a little blurb about the U losing to TCU on Sat :( and how they hoped the Chem E team could beat Texas at this meeting instead. What do you know Ray comes on the news HE IS SO HANDSOME he had a little blurb on their car. They had a few technical difficulties... the wheel fell off in the the first round oops. But all in all they did really good 12 out of 31. Here's the link to KSL if you want to watch his little part http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=13187238
He was also on Fox 13 news, KSL radio, and in the Desert News :)
We've felt extreemly blessed with job interviews for another internship next summer with Proctor & Gamble (this is the one we would love), Rio Tinto and today he got a call from Sun products... our prospects look good and I feel blessed beyond reason for just chance that he has to interview :)
I'm just really proud of him! He's worked super hard to get here and I love seeing him be so good at what he loves! So to my HANDSOME and AMAZING hubby and our boys Daddy! GOOD JOB WE LOVE YOU WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU!!!

Halloween P AR TAY

We had our first annual Nessen Halloween Party on Saturday night we had a BLAST! Thanks to Ash for setting it all up! We went bowling at Fat Cats in Ogden then out to dinner at Chilis. We laughed so much and had a great time!
Ray and I went as the Bun Maker and an Oven LOVE MY HUBBY! Isen't he so handsome! I'm one lucky girl!
My Mom & Dad Mom was the Fairy Godmother and Dad was just himself... we we're just glad he came :) Ash & Mike as Morticia and Gomez! Hilarious! We lost Mike in the bowling ally and so they paged him as Gomez Garza so funny! Doesn't Ash make a hot Morticia? Love Them!
Last but not least Jon & Kelli this was the winner of the best costume by far! You should have seen people stare everyone wanted pictures and he was in full character. It was HILARIOUS to see him dressed as a woman to say the least! We had so much fun! And to think... this is just the beginning!
Happee Halloween!!

24 Weeks

Here we are 24 weeks as of tomorrow morning... I am feeling a little anxious, a little nervous, and very reflective on past events. My body has never been past this point before. Tomorrow we reach the same point of pregnancy that we were at when we went into labor with Blaze. We have been to a bunch of Dr. appts everything is looking great so far. They are taking extra good care of us however part of me can't help be worried a little... from here on out after just 6 more days (that we're all spend in Labor last time) we will be in uncharted territory... we'll have never been pregnant past that point. I can only have hope in good things to come. It has seemed to go by much faster this time.
My heart is full and my heart is hopeful! I am grateful for Blaze grateful that we got to spend a week with him, loving him and learning more than we ever imagined we could from someone so small. I am also grateful for the opportunity to be pregnant again! We are not so naive this time as to think all babies come to stay or that all parents get healthy children... but we are hopeful that my body can hold on and we will get to bring Blazes little Brother home to love and to learn from. My good friend Stef and I went to lunch yesterday and she said "Little children come to teach us not for us to teach them" Does that ever ring true for me. Little children are the gateway to heaven and I am thankful for an angel to lead us home and a new baby to teach us while we're here.

Puppies in Heaven

Ashleigh has had a big week at her house... Cinnamon her dog had Dexter (our dogs) puppies. 4 of them on Tuesday the kids love them already they all have names. This is Peanut he was the runt of the bunch. He didn't make it thru his first day he was so small and so weak :( Ash called me yesterday not knowing what to do. We were both heartbroken because Cinnamon was so worried about her little baby and couldn't help him. We can both relate but there are no comforting words when you're a dog. So Ash buried the sweet little puppy and sent me a text saying "I guess now Malia and Blaze have a puppy to play with" I burst into tears and called her so sad to lose a little one no matter if your human or an animal we will miss little peanut. But our babies no doubt are loving their new little puppy. We Love You Malia & Blaze!

Miss Kenna

I LOVE this little girl! We got to see her on Sunday... we decided last minute to go to FHE in Brigham to see my Moms side of the family.
So on the way there Miss Kenna says to Ashleigh
Kenna: "Mom is Aunt Janet coming?"
Ash: "Yes honey she will be there"
Kenna: " Oh She is going to be so excited to see me"
Ash laughing "Yes she will"
And was she ever right I am ALWAYS excited to see her beautful little face and her giant personality in one little adorable body! She just started preschool a few weeks ago and dance... she wants to be a teacher and a rainbow when she grows up oh how I love her! I LOVE being an AUNT to all my nephews and neices!
Being an Aunt is the Best thing EVER!

It never gets easier...

We went to Blazes grave on Friday... to take him his pumpkin for halloween and balloons. Something inside of me knows he loves balloons.. I think Red would be his favorite color. So each time we go to be at our little angels graveside we take ballons. Most of the time it is surreal that we have to visit our little boy at his graveside. This time seemed particullarly hard seeing our names on a head stone struck my heart. We miss him everyday and are grateful he is ours forever!

For me the reality is that it never gets easier to visit his graveside. We still cry and we still long to hold him and have him in our lives. In some ways the feelings of hurt and anger have subdued into feelings of learning and hoping I am being the Mom he needs. I hope I have learned from the trials and heartache placed before me. I hope to be better in order to be with our angel again! I hope he knows just how much we love him and he doesn't feel forgotten! Most of all I hope he feels the Love we have for him!
We got him these flowers for Memorial day... and some earthly angel (we don't know who) has watered them all summer so to who ever it may be THANK YOU for being there when we cannot! We feel so blessed to have you watch over out little angels grave.
Other pics... her I am at 17 weeks... I think... I thought I was huge LAME! And here is 21 weeks big difference! Baby G is growing fast we're grateful for everyday we get to be part of another miracle in our lives. We find comfort in the thought that Blaze is helping his little brother along the way :)

If you missed the last post check it out... it's from Ray he is hilarious! I am lucky to be surrounded by a house full of wonderful boys! Ray, Blaze, soon Baby G, and Dexter. I love it!

A New Piece of Heaven!!

Okay, first so everyone knows, this is Ray... Janet's amazing, hot husband (okay, mostly I think that of her, but you know...). So I don't hardly ever check this blog, or post to it, but the other day I came across something worth posting, that everyone should know about and try... THE NEW COKE FOUNTAIN!!!

So we walk into Cafe Rio and there are these new red machines next to the regular coke fountain, of course I HAVE to check this out. So I walk to the machine with my cup, and notice there is only one spout in the cubby... okay we'll figure this out. First, push the cup against the tab and out comes the ice... okay step one down. Next observe the "TOUCH" screen filled with about 16choices of soda flavors... YEAH 16 choices... but it doesn't stop there.

Being a fan of orange soda, I pick the FANTA selection on the touch screen. Up next on the screen, not only is there a selection for Orange Fanta... but about 7 or 8 different choices of flavors!! Yeah, I could pick Strawberry, Raspberry, Grape, Peach, Lime, and on and on. Now if there is one thing I like more than orange, it's peach... HAD TO HAVE IT!!!

After having my delicious peach soda, I had to go back... I picked the Root Beer button, praying for vanilla root beer, but alas, it wasn't to be. Okay, let's try the Coke, after the coke screen I could choose from vanilla, lime, cherry, or orange. Orange Coke? Have to try it!! But wait... a dreamcicle Coke? Now we're talking... Half Vanilla, Half Orange Coke... MONEY!!!

I will be putting one of these in my den when we build our house... But only after we fix the problem of the Vanilla Root Beer and Vanilla Orange Fanta... come on Coke, that isn't Rocket Surgery.

Lifes Decisions

This may be a spuing post... I have a lot on my mind that needs to be recorded for journaling purposes... so here we go.
Last week on the way to Rays baseball games we were talking about school (a frequent in our home) we've been discussing the option of him getting his Masters in Chemical Engineering.. the U will pay for it and it's only another year. Well a while ago we had decided that was not what he wanted to do. So our conversation went something like this...
Ray "I think I want to get a minor in Nuclear engineering and have my major be Chemical Engineering"
Me "Okay what does that mean?"
Ray "One more year of school"
Me "Okay why do you want to do that instead of getting your masters"
Ray "Better job opportunities, and more experience in more than just one area"
Me "Okay so I need to keep working after baby G. comes?"
Ray "I don't want you to, but in order to keep our insurance I think so"
Me "Okay..."
So after a little time to process... I don't want to go back to work the plan was just to go back for a few months until Ray graduates... but with this new horizon I just get to say I'll do it... I don't want to but if it means better opportunities for us in the future I can make the sacrifice.. my Mom always worked and usually more than one job. Most of the women in my family work... and we seem to have turned out great in my opinion... I've come to realize with age life isn't always fair and being a stay at home mom isn't in the cards for everyone... one day just not yet.

So many conversations have come after that... Will we stay in school for another year? Should we? What will be best for our family? How do we know if this is whats right? I guess it will all come in time. Meanwhile I try not to worry about daycare or where our little guy will go while his Mommy works and Daddy schools... but I have a feeling it will all work out. And if working means insurance for our family it's what needs to be done.

In other news...
We had an ultrasound of our little man Baby G. yesterday. He is A-DORABLE if I do say so myself... he doesn't really like being invaded with the ultrasound techs. He is a little thumb sucker just like Blaze was and WE LOVE HIM! Everything looks great so far one more ultrasound in 2 weeks will tell if anymore extra measures to keep him in need to be done but so far so good.

I got an A on a book analysis that I did last week. I read the book in 2 days and wrote the report the night before it was due (I missed the first class and had no idea about it that's why there was such a rush) I almost died when he handed me the paper with a A on it :) saing "Supurb job Janet" WHAT.... Okay so maybe I don't mind being graded ha ha.

They're selling the house we live in currently... so we hope it doesn't sell quickly... so we can stay for a while WE LOVE IT THERE! We love the ward! We love our friends and neighbors! We LOVE the yard and we LOVE the view... hopefully it will be a while!

Pics to come of Baby G. and the belly... we no longer have the internet at home... so its hard to download pics... but they will come :)

Ten Pound Melt Down

Ok so my usual Monday morning routine...
Stay in bed as long as humanly possible because it can't possibly be Monday already!
Wake Up
Roll out of bed
Let Dexter out because he might die if he has to wait one more minute
Wobble into the bathroom
Do the usual morning thing
Get on the scale... WHAT 10LBS that can't be right...
Weigh again... yes 10LBS
I KNOW I AM PREGNANT PEEPS I understand that but 10lbs in 20 weeks... Ahhh
CONFESSION: I LOVE OREOS They're my most recent desirable sin... ok there I got it off my chest I may have consumed a few too many this weekend resulting in the more than I'd like it to be weigh gain.
The reason I have such a hard time with weight gain... is I have work so hard over the last 10 years to loose it... finally for the first time in my life I am starting to feel good about my body then we get pregnant. Which we are exstatic about don't at all get me wrong we have waited for so long for another little baby to join our family we can't even wait!
Weight gain is just such a struggle for me after working so hard to get it off... I've lost 70lbs... (one day I'll post pics of then & now) So this morning I had my 10lb melt down... I feel gross and out of shape and giggly I know its all for a good cause... its just a very mental thing for me to learn it's ok to gain.

Blazes Little ....

It's a BOY!!! We are SO EXCITED! Shocked that we're having a boy but oh so excited! We bought him this little outfit to bring him home in. Everything looks great and we go back in 2 weeks to make sure it's all still good! Yeah for little boys we feel so blessed!

Doctor Appts and Blazes Box

Today we meet with Maternal Fetal Medicine for the start of something we hope is more in our control this time. The Doctors are watching us very close to try and prevent preterm labor... I started Progesterone shots 2 weeks ago Monday and Ray is great at making sure he doesn't hurt me when he gives them to me in the hips. Now onto the next 10 weeks we will have regular check ups with the goal of getting us past 28 weeks. I am full of emotion... to say the least.
This week has been a tearful one I think for many reasons...
1) Labor day is over and that means so are the family campouts and I am always emotional when I have to come back 'home' and not be with my family anymore.
2) Fall is already here... I was so dang HOT this summer I thought I would die I didn't wish the summer away but it seemed to fly by and time is getting away from me
3) We're nearing the 20s of this pregnancy... I am scared, I am nervous, I am worried, and I am trying to be calm but my heart is reliving steps with Blaze. How far along we were.. what if we have to go thru the same things again? Am I strong enough to watch my baby in an incubator knowing there is very little I can do other than pray but know it is not up to me alone!
We got down Blazes box on Tuesday ... to look for his picture CD that we can't find... so I thought maybe it would be in there... the last time I looked in Blazes box was when we packed it to move almost a year ago. I asked Ray to do it knowing I may not be able to handle it... so I let him get it down from our closet and I then went in to help. We were both in tears pulling out his tiny clothes, seeing the blankets we last held him in, the tiny shoes from Aunt Ashleigh, the gifts and cards from people we love so much and people we don't even know, and the premee outfit we put him in that was way to big but he was cold... all of the emotions of such loss and heartache from someone we love so much tucked away in one little box. He is our little hero and I hope he is in heaven teaching this little baby all he knows.
So my heart is excited and scared all at the same time. I hope heaven knows the love we have for Blaze and the hope and love we have for this little one to come.
We Love You Blaze!
I will let you know if we get to find out the gender today :) ahhhh I will be shocked if it is not a girl :) We will see what my motherly instincts bring.

Ohhhh Back to School

Its already here... School is starting again. Ray starts today and I start Wednesday. Its finally time for me to go back. I have been putting Ray thru school for a few years since we both couldn't afford to go and I had the better job but the time has come for me to go back.

For years I have been tormented with what I want to be when I grow up... I always thought I wanted to be a Kindergarden teacher I LOVE that age they are so fun. So my entire education has been centered around that. However the older I get it just doesn't feel right. I love kids and I want to make a difference in the lives of others but I don't feel like the public school system is the way for me to do that. I also started hairschool (that was very short lived) I love hair but can't stand Drama so we have been waiting till I could go full time.
To make a very long story short I decided just to register for classes and hopefully I could find something that I would really love... well I've decided to head towards Pediatric Social Work. Because of Blaze and a WONDERFUL social worker at the hospital named Carol. I have decided that is how I can make a difference in the lives of others. It has been 1 yr and 3 months since we lost Blaze and I still remember how wonderful she was. The way she impacted our lives in just one week changed us forever! She loved Blaze and never missed one day seeing us and making sure we were doing alright. She was there every minute during his life flight experience and took the time to send us every picture the sweet nurses had taken of our little angel. I want to make that kind of a difference for families who are facing trials we have faced. It finally feels right and for the first time in years I have peace about school. I finally know what I want to be when I grow up :) Good thing I'm not grown up yet! I might be the oldest one in my classes but you're never too old to learn right :) Back to School!

Raging FUN weekend

Ash and Mike came down to spend the weekend with us and we had a BLAST!!
Friday night we ordered Pizza and went shopping (Target I LOVE YOU). We stayed up way too late and had a great time talking and laughing.
Saturday we girls went to get Pedis while the boys went golfing. (Pics of Pedis to come)
Then we went to Raging waters ALL DAY we had a SO MUCH FUN!

This is the pre-wet and pre-sunburned us :)
Let the FUN begin!

Kenna & Tasian in the tube waiting to go down slides. LOVE THEM!
Ray off the rope swing... don't worry he didn't land on his back like that.
Ash off the slide... the water was FREEZING! Mike went with her but he came out later Sorry Mike I didn't get it.
Kenna couldn't take it anymore and fell asleep in the tube while in the wave pool... so Ash and Mike carried her back to our spot and she slept happily for over an hour.
THEN... We went home got ready and went to the Demolition Derby with the Jespersens we LAUGHED so hard we had a great time!

We stayed up way late again and had fun all day Sunday celebrating Jennas b-day with the fam! I LOVE WEEKENDS! Thanks Ash and Mike for all the fun!

Saturday Showers of Love

Last Saturday I spent all day with my sister

She had a shopping day in Park City with all of her girlfriends from HS and invited me to come shop the day with her... I thought I'd only be there a couple hours... how about 7!
I loved every minute I got to spend with her!
She is a wife to Mike for 7 amazing years.
She is a mother of 3. One in Heaven playing with Blaze and two here that I ADORE.
She is working as a CNA
She is a full time student to be a pediatric nurse.
She is a business owner.
She is a runner and fitness guru.
She spends at least an hour a day on the phone with me... sometimes giggling. sometimes venting, sometimes crying. We never miss a day talking to each other.
She is a daughter, an aunt, a sister, and a friend.
She is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING to me!
She is my BEST FRIEND!
I feel so blessed to have her as my Sister! We had a blast shopping and I can't wait to spend this whole weekend with her too!
then I met Ray in Heber to watch a rodeo... WE LOVE RODEOS :). So shout out to J and his snow shack he got us in for free... it was fun but cold so we didn't stay the whole time. We got home and Ray had a present for me...
he made me these...
Car Seat Covers for our Baby... WHAT A MAN!

They are totally John Deere... SO CUTE!
I was so surprised. I've been making them to sell and he's been helping me make some little boys ties... so I thought the surprise was a bunch of ties.. NOPE he went and got fabric and sewed these adorable car seat covers for our little baby. One for a boy and one for a girl. So when we find out what we're having we will have a car seat cover made with love.
I feel so blessed to be married to Ray! He is the LOVE OF MY LIFE! I think back on all we have been thru in almost 4 years (since we started dating) and I can't imagine how empty my life would be without him. I couldn't have made it thru the trials we have faced without him by my side.
He is my Hero.
He is a full time student at the U (GO UTAH)as well as an Intern.
He is a lawn mowing, weed pulling, fence fixing, Dexter bathing and loving, bed making, lunch fixing, surpise brewing, handsome, and a million more things Man.
I AM SO IN LOVE WITH HIM!
So Saturday night I lay in bed feeling so blessed that I got to spend the day with two people that I LOVE. I feel blessed to be part of their lives and I am a better person because of both of them. I am grateful to have bonds that will last beyond this life and to know what love feels like!

Sweet Ordella

In November we were able to move in with this sweet lady her name is Ordella Mathews. She needed help with her yard, driving her places, and just a little company. And we agreed for cheaper rent and to for the opportunity to serve someone... little did we know we would be the ones who were blessed. Sweet Ordella passed away on Sunday July 25th after complications following a surgery. In the short time we were able to know her she blessed our lives beyond measure. She tragically lost both of her sons in seperate accidents and not long after her husband. Yet she carried on knowing the Savior was by her side and she didn't have to do it alone. She was a great example to me of faith and perseverance. It is very surreal that she is not coming back 'home' and we won't see her again in this life. I just wanted to post how grateful we feel for the opportunity to know such a woman she was a blessing to all who knew her and will be greatly missed.
This is the most recent happening in our lives our apartment was lent out to family for a few weeks permanently over the weekend so thanks to Sweet Tyrel & Elena we popped in last minute for a spendee and stayed up way too late and they watched Dex THANK YOU SO MUCH! And thanks to Shells and JL for letting us have a spendee another night. We are Blessed and Ordella will be greatly missed!

Life or Something Like It

Have you ever seen the movie Life of Something Like it? I think it has Angelia Jolee anyway I loved that movie when I first saw it... it has been so long since I've seen it I would need to watch it again to see if I still do. Anyway it is about this woman who has the 'perfect' life she loves her job and her life is going great until she meets a homeless man who's predictions always come true.. he tells her she will die in the next week or something like that.. so she is forced to focus on the things that really matter and what she would do with her last week.
This brings me to my point.. sometimes I feel like life is good no unforeseen things lurking in the future that might throw a wrench into how good life is at the moment. BUT the wrenches ALWAYS come and the Heartache soon follows I guess it teaches me to be a little more grateful for when life is so good.
For me this is a venting post about all the things that I feel are unfair not just in my life but in the lives of those I love so much sometimes I feel like I am not cut out for this life my heart can't handle the constant heartache and helplessness I feel when others are in need. So for today here are some of the things I wish...
I wish
I could just have enough money to take care of those who struggle financially. Not to just hand out money but to give it to those who are trying so hard to keep going when the world pushes against them in everything they do.
I wish
I had enough time to just sit with each one of the people I love and listen to their heartaches, triumphs, dreams, and their wishes
I wish
I was a missionary again and could see the Love the Savior has for each one of us without being so judgmental and unkind
I wish
We could all take the time to see the good in each other rather than look for the flaws
I wish
I could hold my little boy again to catch the glimpse of Heaven and tell him that I love him.

My heart is extremely heavy today for all the things I feel like I don't have time to do. For all of those in my family and in my life who struggle hoping better days will come but seeing no sign of relief in sight. And for the things I feel like I don't have time to do...
I have been reminded for the last little while that we are not here for all the physical things we came for our spirits... my spirit has been neglected as I have turned my focus to all of the other things that need to be done... perhaps it is time to re-adjust to the things that matter and let my Heavenly Father redirect where my focus should be. Heaven help me to be a little better!

Extra Footprints

We re...
Excited
Nervous
Anxious
Nautious (Janet Only)
Worried
Ornery (again Janet only)
Tired
Emotional (Janet Mostly)
Demanding (All Janet)
Hungry (All Janet)
EXTRA CAUTIOUS
Well know by many doctors and speciaists
and Extatic all in one!


Coming February 2011 we're adding another set of footprints to our family!(We hope not much sooner than Feb but our goal is 36 weeks which would be the beginning of January) WE ARE SO BLESSED!

Shopping Adventures

Ok so 2 stories 1 hilarious... 1 you might think I'm a brat... and sometimes I am.

#1 We went to a store we rarely go to... (I'll refrain from mentioning the name)
A) because nothing in this particular store seems to fit me right... everything seems to be sewed crooked or something. and...
B)I just never really go there.
However we were out and about and had heard about about a great sale at this store... so we stopped. I tried on about 7 dresses all of them having problem A which is why B comes into play.
So we were leaving the store and Ray says
"Look at this shirt its on sale for $7.50 but its a small (this was for him mind you)"
Me: "Oh thats nice... too bad its a small"
Ray: "They have a large on this rack but its not on sale"
SIDE NOTE: Rack was 3 feet away from sale rack
Me: "Oh well lets just take them both to the counter and they will give us the sale price I'm sure its just a mistake"
Ray: "Okay"
so we get both shirts and head for the checkout
Me: "Um these shirts are the same but only one is marked down is that right"
Clerk "Yes thats right"
Me: "Excuse Me how is that possible they're the same shirt"
Clerk: "Yeah I know but thats right"
Me: "How can that be right"
Clerk: "Well we do markdowns based on when they arrive in the store not based on inventory"
Ray: Giggling in the back ground at my face and what the clerk is saying
Me: Mouth open in dis-belief "What?? I've never heard of that before in my life"
Clerk: "You see this one (Sale Shirt) came in in February and this one (not Sale Shirt) came in in June... So one is on sale and one is not"
Me: Mouth still open in dis-belief "Ok we don't want either thanks"
We walked out of the store and barley made it before we both burst out laughing that is the most INSANE thing ever! So if I find something full price... I better check the sale rack too because one may have come in a few months ago... WHAT?? Good thing I always check the sale racks too... good times!

#2 I will not hold back from the name on this one WALMART
Why do I submit myself over and over to going to that store... we used to live super close so it was great or so I thought. I remember everytime I would leave the store I was SO frustrated... and swore I would NEVER go back... but I always would!
Reasons I used to like it...
Convience
One Stop Shopping
Low Prices on everything in the store
One Stop Shopping... I repeat

So the last few times we have been in Walmart I have left floored... their customer service is AWFUL, long lines, no one to help you EVER, the list goes on. Last night after waiting for 20 minutes to get some simple fabric... no one came to help after several calls and the person working at the counter helping the customer in line in front of me just walked away.... she didn't even finish helping the woman in front of me!! SO I took matters into my own hands cut my own fabric and took the spools to the front so they could ring them up at the correct price. The nice girl ringing us thru said "We're not supposed to ring them thru like that" side note the woman waiting in the fabric department with me took hers to customer service. So the clerk calls a manager... no one comes... we wait and wait... then the clerk turns around and yells for this manager "Dale I need help" he was 5 feet from her register the whole time but never came to help! So she explains the situation.. he says "They're taking care of this same thing right now in customer service you'll have to go over there"
Me "I have been here for 25 minutes now waiting for someone to help me and now your telling me to stand in the customer service line that is 20 people long?"
Dale: "Yes there is nothing I can do to help you you need to take your items over there"
Me "No I am not waiting in another line just because you won't help me"
Dale "So you don't want the fabric anymore"
Me "Nope"
Dale look of discust that I would not want them after cutting them...
Ray "This is why we don't shop here anymore your customer service sucks"
Dale just walks away
Me to the clerk "this is nothing personal against you but we've really grown to hate shopping here it is a joke everytime we come in and so we just won't anymore we'll go to Target because they actually care"
Clerk "I feel the same way"
I WAS FLOORED to say the least... so we leave the store and in the parking lot the girl from the fabric dept that was waiting before us tells us she got all of her fabric for free... GRRRR if I wasn't so quick to anger I might have gotten mine for free too!

CaLiFoRnIa 2010

My Birthday :) We went out to dinner with a bunch of friends and family then had cake and Ice Cream at our place I LOVE my hubby! He always pulls it all together!
Here's to 28!
Our 1st day in Cali dropping the boys off for their 6 hour golf game... don't ask ha ha

We met Bart and Lisa at Universal... Bart totally shook up Mikes drink PUNK ha ha ha

We Met Marilyn Monroe at Universal I Loved her pink Caddy! Who wouldn't?


Meet Forrest... Forrest Gump!


We had dinner at Bubba Gumps it was DELISH! All the shrimp you can imagine cooked in every way possible! Love Mikes back in our pic ha ha ha classic!


We went to the LA temple to do sealings it was BEAUTIFUL! We learned it is the biggest temple in North America... it was so great to go with Ash and Mike!


This was a beautiful tree at the temple we LOVED it!

This was the Pre Burn at the beach it still hurts... but we saw a seal and had a blast!

I got my feet wet... a first since we've been married sand and water... ahhh progress people progress


We went to Hollywood the last night... its a little over rated but we had dinner at the California pizza kitchen and it made it all worth it!
WE HAD A GREAT TRIP Yeah for Anniversarys and Vacations
Happee 3rd to us and 7th to Ash and Mikee! It was a much needed and enjoyed get away!
Thanks to Mike and Ash for a great weekend full of laughs and lots of memories!
The best one of all is we missed our flight on Monday and had to wait all day to get on the 8 PM flight... which was late and we didn't get home till 12:30 AM Tues STILL TIRED! It was so worth it!

Madness Monday

I have SOOOO much to blog about... however we will update later.
You see its time for MADNESS MONDAY I've been thinking about this for a long time... opening myself and others up to little quirks that make you... well YOU. So last week I had the FABULOUS opportunity to go to lunch with some of the most AMAZING women I know... and we started discussing MADNESS MONDAY and we we're all laughing so hard... we each have things that make us uniquely us.. things that make us laugh, make us cry, help us find joy in the journey, things that make us want to punch someone in the face, or grab someone in the grocery checkout line who is being an idiot for whatever reason and let them know they look like a fool ha ha... the whole point of this is to find joy in what makes us uniquely us.
So Madness Monday Confession #1
(Because we are going to California this week)
I HATE I mean HATE Sand and Water together... I love them both seperatly but I do NOT like them together. In fact just thinking about it makes me squirm. This makes going to the Beach a LOVE/HATE relationship... do you see the dilema. I HATE the thought of taking sand home in my bathing suit (this reverts back to a Cali trip in my younger years... nothing is more uncomfortable than sand sharing your bathing suit only to go home and fill the tub)
So while at the beach... I may get my feet wet...but NEVER do I get all the way in the water... the risks are far too great ha ha ha! If I do get my feet wet... they must be ALL the way dry because I also HATE the showers... you're just spraying wet sand everywhere...ahhhh it almost puts me over the edge. The fact of the matter is our kids may never get to go to the beach... ok they probably will... but I won't like it.

How do you feel about Sand and Water? Together or Seperate?

One Year Ago

Last night Ray and I went for a run (my first time in 3 weeks grrr). My body seemed to fight me the entire way, I was hot and every step took a lot of effort. We just went 2 miles and my goal was to run it in 22 minutes (I'm not very fast I know) We always end on a hill because of where our house is and it makes it that much harder to push thru to the end. Well I knew my time was close so I tried sprinting to the end up the hill... just about 100 meters from the end I couldn't go anymore... I started walking then had one more burst of sprinting till the end. I sat on the curb for a few minutes trying to make sure my heart wasn't going to burst. I finished in 22 min and 17 sec We walked up hill to our house and I threw myself on the couch... I just sat there so upset that it was so hot and so hard and I missed my goal by 17 seconds!
As I sat there I found myself reflecting on the past year... May had been a very reflective month... I thought of a year ago yesterday our little boy was life flighted and I knew the out come from the minute they moved him to take him to Primarys... I knew that the next 24 hours would be the hardest we would ever face.. and it turned out to be just what I had felt. Ray came in and I burst into tears... I told him I have so much harbored anger... I get so frustrated when everything seems to be so hard. My sweet friend Kayla was having a hard week and she said "do you ever just cry at the injustice of this world" I told Ray that was part of my frustration some people seem to struggle their whole lives no matter what they do they seem to just scrape by and others seem to just fall into luck... So all of my tears last night were for the things that I feel are unjust.
Today marks one year since we let out sweet little Blaze return to heaven. Thinking about that day is surreal... I remember every detail, every phone call to family, every nurse and doctor, almost every breath our little boy took in his final moments. I remember being in a tiny room surrounded by people we love all squished together in love and support for our little family. I remember watching my sweet husband hold Blaze to give him a blessing and I remember all the tears shed for a loss so great. I remember leaving the hospital and having to call the mortuary knowing we would never again in this life see our little boy alive. And I remember driving home just staring out the window... passing hundreds of people thinking... no one has any idea what we have just been thru the world just keeps going when ours has stopped.
So today... one year later we still hurt, we still cry, and we still mourn. And today I am grateful for my Savior I have more love for him than I did a year ago, I have more hope than I did a year ago and I hope I have more faith than I did a year ago. I have a stronger testimony of the atonement than I did a year ago. This year has been hard there is no doubt and on the flip side this year has allowed us to see the hand of God thru others in our lives.
We stand amazed as a family at the out pouring of love we have felt from those who are close to us and those we have never met. Thank You for loving our family! Thank You for your countless prayers in our behalf. Thank you for your service to us and to those around you. And Thank You for being the hands of heaven in our lives. We are blessed beyond measure even through trials we know God loves us. WE LOVE YOU!

And to our Angel Blaze we miss you everyday Thank You for coming to our family. Thank You for bringing so much to the world in such a short time. We can't wait to see you again WE LOVE YOU!

Blazes Birthday

First of all THANK YOU to everyone for your thoughts, your prayers, and the countless kind acts for our little family this last week and year especially. We found ourselves surrounded by people we love and showered with gifts and kind words of inspiration to let us know you care. We are so blessed and really have seen the impact one little boy can have on the lives of so many. Thank You We LOVE YOU!

Blazes birthday was full of emotion as anticipated. We both had the day off which was super nice we got up and went to the temple. We did sealings and were only in the room for a few minutes before the tears began to flow. By divine design I am sure we were able to help families be sealed together... I was instantly reminded of how blessed we were to be sealed before Blaze was born. He is ours forever and I am grateful for the tender teachings of the Lord that reminded me of the eternal bond we have. We sat in the temple for quite a while reflecting on the blessings and trials of the last year. There is no mistake the peace of the temple was a wonderful way to celebrate Blazes birthday. We felt him near and were able to experience some very sacred moments together. We are grateful and our hearts were very full.
We went to Howell to decorate his grave and boy oh boy is that little one loved. He had flowers, some toys from Silas and Logan


some Balloons from Aunt Ashleigh and colored rocks from Kenna and Tasian to hold them down. He got lots of Balloons :) and LOTS of flowers.. we had to leave some home :) Thank You everyone!
We tearfully sang Happy Birthday and expressed our love for our little angel.

Tyrel and Elena gave Blaze a card so Ray read it to him while we were there in attached was this poem. (Thank You Aunt Elena and Uncle Tyrel! Blaze Loves You!)

What's a Birthday Like in Heaven?
I wonder what it's like to have a birthday in heaven?
I'll bet the decorations are wonderful
Perhaps every lost balloon that causes little tears on earth
floats straight up above to help celebrate a birth
I'll bet there's no need for RSVP's
No disappointments when distance keeps one from coming.
After all a birthday boy in heaven gets the best of both worlds
Embraces from a loving Aunt, Great Grandma and Great Great Grandpa
Who instead of party hats, wear matching halos
The birthday boy can jump for joy as he plays party games with siblings and cousins
He can then enjoy the sweetest sound he's ever heard
A birthday song from Dad and Mom
Who truly are angels on Earth!
We'll I don't know for sure what a birthdays like in Heaven
but of this I know, it'd be too hard to show, how many lives
Have been blessed by his birth!

We Love You Blaze! Happee Birthday Baby!

Mothers Day Emotions

We are one week into May and trying to make a difference in some ways I hope I am making a difference and other ways are more noticeable. One thing that sticks out this past week for me was I went to the grocery store... and the checker gave me the incorrect change it was only by a nickel... but she was in such a hurry that she just handed me the change and moved right on. I noticed right away so I kindly said "You gave me too much change" the woman in line behind me said "Thats nice of you" I didn't really think about it but I hope that I made a difference in some small way. This is not really what I had in mind but I think every thought counts.
Thank You everyone who has joined in to help us we are so blessed to have you in our lives! Thank You for your love and support for our little family!

Today is Mothers Day... It has been emotionally much harder than I thought it might be. One Year ago today I went into premature labor... We spent last Mothers Day in the hospital being visited by people we love and waiting for Monday so my doctor would tell us everything was okay and release us to go home... that obviously never happened. I have had a hard day knowing we celebrate motherhood but my little child is not here. Do not get me wrong I am grateful to be a woman and rejoice in womanhood. I just struggle feeling I was born to be a mother and despite our many efforts our little boy is not physically with us and our efforts to expand our family are out of our control.

I don't look forward to the emotions of this week. My heart is very heavy as I long to celebrate Blazes first birthday with him here... I struggle with the thoughts that I do not get to see him make a mess of his cake in his highchair, to see him rip open presents and love the paper more than the gifts, and to take pictures of our ever changing little boy. Instead we will go to his grave and sing happee birthday into the wind hoping it will carry it to where he may be. There will be many tears and heartache as we continue on this journey we call life without one of our own. I find comfort in knowing our Savior holds him near but I can't stop the ache my heart feels wishing he were here. So bring on the week... and heaven help me see the needs in others as a way to bring heaven near.

As always WE LOVE YOU! Thank You for your love and prayers in behalf of our little family.

Make a difference May

I can't believe it's May already! May comes with many mixed emotions for us, it has nearly been a year since we had Blaze and on the 14th we will celebrate his 1st birthday. Honestly I can't believe I have made it a year... I never thought I would make it thru the first year... In so many ways it has flown and in many others it has been the hardest year of my life. As I've thought about what I could to in May to be a little better I thought I would make May our Make a Difference in May month. I want to be better because of Blaze, because I am a Mom, and because I have a little angel counting on me to make it back to be with him.

I don't quite have it all figured out yet... but I want to post this month on someone who has made a difference in my life and I want to in turn make a difference in the lives of others.

As we celebrate Blazes birthday we would love for you to join us in making a difference in the lives of those around us. Those we know and Love and those we don't know but simply meet in passing. We want to honor Blaze on his birthday by serving someone in need we would love for you to join us and share your experiences with us of how serving someone made a difference in your life or in those you reach out to.

So today I am a different person because of Blaze. Because of him I have learned things about myself I didn't know. I have been pushed to what I feel are my absolute limits. I Love this little boy more than anything. I long for the day I can hold him again and I miss him more than words can express. He has made me a different person!


Because of this little angel, I have cried and learned that it's okay to cry and grieve, I have Loved more deeply than I ever imagined, I have learned to be more grateful for the people in our lives, and I have come to have more HOPE in my Savior who I know holds my little angel until we can be with him again. I LOVE YOU BABY!