Out of Reach

Have you ever felt like this?

This is how I feel a lot of the time lately... like the things I want the most in this life are just out of reach ... I'm not quite sure how to stretch any farther... and most of the things I want are out of my control.

Greatfully a new year is just around the corner... a time to change the things I can and learn to appreciate the things I can't.

Christmas Eve Already

I can't believe how fast this year has gone! One year ago tonight we were at Ashleighs house and I was bursting at the seams waiting to tell Ray we were pregnant... I took the test while he went to get gas then put it in his stocking... needless to say I hardly slept I was so excited for him to find out. Here we are one year later and I am amazed at all that has transpired. I feel like I am living from the outside looking in... I just can't wrap my head around the fact that this year is coming to a close so quickly.

We have been busy since the last post... tis the season right
Here are a few pics of the season :)

All the boys making Mom Kings famous Christmas punch... they wait all year for Christmas eve to come just to have this punch.

Grandpa Nessen & Abbi at the Nessen Family Party Dec 19th

I have no idea what everyone is laughing about but I love this pic! I have such a great family!

Grandma Nessen, Abbi & Maci

Grandma Nessen, Rhett & Tyke (isn't my Grandma Beautiful!)

Grandma Huffs Christmas Party isen't Kenna darling? My cousins Mykol & Nicci

Putting up the tree at our new place... not a great pic but we love it!

Me and Nash (5 months) Love this little Boy! (Thanksgiving at Huffs)

I have so much to be Thankful for! This season I am thankful that I have a family who loves and gives and shares the Gospel just in the way they live. I am Thankful for good friends who bless our lives with Love and Laughter... and I am Thankful for my Savior Jesus Christ. I have had some doubts about how this whole life thing works but as I have held onto the things I have been taught I am thankful that I know my Savior and I am thankful for the Hope I have in something better.

There's Only one more sleep till Christmas

Do you ever just wonder...

Ok so I have been a slacker at blogging and not for lack of things going on in our lives... we bought a new car in October, we've moved into a new place and a whole mix of things in between... but I never have my camera with me to upload pics so I will post pics of those things later.

Lately I feel insane... this is not a new thing I have felt this way for a while but it is now getting to the point that I have a hard time controlling my thoughts and sometimes my tearful reactions. Take for instance my trip to Target last week. I love Target for a number of reasons... however this shopping trip turned into a meltdown for me. I was there for over an hour because they moved everything around (it looks great but its extremely confusing) then when I got to the checkout I couldn't find a gift card I had been saving... as I searched frantically the line behind me got longer and longer and to no avail in finding it.. I just paid with our credit card GRRR... this resulted in tears as soon as I hit the parking lot they continued all the way home. Are you kidding me? What is with the meltdowns for no reason. This is just one of many meltdowns lately which leads me to wonder many things...

Does he hear me? Is Heavenly Father aware of me personally when there are BILLIONS of people that need him...
Am I doing what I agreed to in the life before this one?
If I knew it would be so painful and I would feel so lost would I still agree to it?
Why are my emotions so out of control?
Who am I really supposed to be?
How do I get from where I am to where I need to be?

Sometimes I just wonder if I am cut out for what lies ahead... will the craziness just get worse or will it get better with time? I hope it gets better or I'll be blogging from a padded room ha ha

Do you ever wonder or do you just know?