This weekend Rays brother Tristan came home from serving a mission in Russia. A few weeks ago we didn't think we would be able to come but due to all the things that have transpired we were able to be here. To be honest I didn't know how I felt about coming I don't feel like being out I want to stay in and just greive but I know that it is important to surround ourselves with people who love us especially at this time.
Yesterday was one of the hardest since Blazes service on Tuesday. I felt like I just needed to cry but didn't feel like I could especially with a house full of boys and me being the only girl other than Rays Mom. I felt like at any moment I would just fall to pieces if anyone asked me how I was. I am sure it had to do with a lack of sleep also we went to bed at 1:30 on Sat Morning and woke up at 7 so part of it was from being tired but the other and bigger part is my heart and I think it is all beginning to sink in. So last night we had a BBQ with Rays entire family Aunts, Uncles, and cousins. I honestly told myself I had 2 options one to just tell anyone that asked me how I was doing... that I was ok and the other to burst into tears each time someone asked how I was doing... I chose to say I was ok for the most part there were tearful moments how could there not be we just lost our little boy and our hearts are broken but for the most part I was able to hold it together... Ray has such a good family they all expressed their Love and concern for us and their Love for Blaze. We truely do feel surrounded by wonderful people it is amazing to see how much we are loved.
Rays Aunt Tara is so sweet she came up to talk to me and gave me a hug from the back which started the crying... she was telling us Thank You for being so faithful and how our blog has touched their lives and changed their family. I only started blogging about our experience because I had no other way to vent my emotions without being even more taxing on Ray so that first night when I didn't know how I would make it thru I used our blog as a realease to express how I feel and now it has become a way for us to share our lives with others and hopefully in some way help others. I feel like our faith is not that strong but is being strengthend. I have to be honest in saying there have been many times that I have thought I can't do it I don't have the faith to make it thru this day... but gratefully Ray has been by my side in moments of extreeme doubt and hopefully I have been there in his. Aunt Tara talked about Pioneers who gave up so much and have to leave their babies on the planes... honestly I have always thought I was so glad that I didn't have to be a pioneer and go thru all they had to endure but thru this experience I have felt a little like a pioneer even though we live in a day when modern medicine is amazing it still can not do the work that Heavenly Father can do... I feel like I have been able to feel just a touch of the sorrow some pioneers must have felt. Thank You to all of our family and friends and those following our blog... thank you for the hugs and arms full of love always stretched out for us and for all of your love and support for thinking we are so faithful all I can say is we are trying as we are tried. Thank You for thinking of me as a woman of faith even though I feel like I am not very faithful thru my broken and angry heart I know that this is a trial of our faith and know that God loves and it watching over us.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Services for Blaze
Yesterday we layed our little boy to rest. We had his graveside service in Howell and layed him to rest next to my sister in law ManDee. We wanted him to be next to her for comfort knowing that she is watching over him in Heaven. The services were beautiful! It was a sunny and beautiful day. We dressed him on Monday night and sealed his little casket. The services were at 10 and we had so many people that we love there to support us. It was nice to be surrounded by family and friends and a few who really understand what we are going thru. There was a peace there that I have not felt since his passing I know that he is with our Savior I felt their presences near. I know that he has many on the other side who are taking care of him until we can be there with him.
My heart is very tender today and I can't say much perhaps later I will be able to post more but until then here are some pictures that a wonderful woman Katherine took of our little boy and our family in his last moments on this earth. Thank You Katherine for coming and capturing such precious moments in our lives.
also if you go to my sisters blog there are more pictures of his services yesterday and we will be posting more as the days go by.
Monday, May 25, 2009
A Broken Heart
Blazes services will be in Howell tomorrow Tuesday May 26th at 10:00 AM we are just doing a graveside service and want close family and friends there with us. Tonight we have to go dress him in his white tux (Thank You Aunt Susan for sewing one on such short notice) we will then seal the casket and bury him tomorrow.
To be honest my heart is broken into a million peices the only way to describe how it feels is literally broken. I thought I knew what heartache was but I had no idea. It all seems so unreal to me... we went camping with my wonderful family this weekend thinking it might be a good thing to get away... in a way it was nice in another I just wanted to be a lone... I do want to be alone I want to sleep until my heart stops hurting. I don't know if it ever will stop hurting! My sister has been such a great comfort in all of this she is by my side each time I need her and just talks me thru the moment... my brother Jon also lost his wife 9 years ago and I have talked to him I feel so angry and hurt I asked him if it is normal to feel so angry all the time and ask why me?? And he said there is a whole range of emotions that I will go thru and it is true one minute I am ok the next I want to cry my eyes out... I think the hardest part is not understanding why this is happening... why so many have healthy babies and so many suffer from the loss of a child. I wonder what we are being prepared for... I wonder if my faith is strong enough to make it thru this experience... I wonder when the Savior will come again so we can be with our little Blaze... I honestly can't wait for him to be here so this heartache can end and our family can be whole.
I have a huge range of emotions running thru me and it probably is not best for me to be blogging right now.
We just want to say THANK YOU to everyone for all of your comments your prayers and your concern for us. There is no way we can thank each of you individually for all you have done for us so we want to say Thank You for thinking of us and for praying for us and for praying for our little Blaze. We Love and Appreciate all of you!
To be honest my heart is broken into a million peices the only way to describe how it feels is literally broken. I thought I knew what heartache was but I had no idea. It all seems so unreal to me... we went camping with my wonderful family this weekend thinking it might be a good thing to get away... in a way it was nice in another I just wanted to be a lone... I do want to be alone I want to sleep until my heart stops hurting. I don't know if it ever will stop hurting! My sister has been such a great comfort in all of this she is by my side each time I need her and just talks me thru the moment... my brother Jon also lost his wife 9 years ago and I have talked to him I feel so angry and hurt I asked him if it is normal to feel so angry all the time and ask why me?? And he said there is a whole range of emotions that I will go thru and it is true one minute I am ok the next I want to cry my eyes out... I think the hardest part is not understanding why this is happening... why so many have healthy babies and so many suffer from the loss of a child. I wonder what we are being prepared for... I wonder if my faith is strong enough to make it thru this experience... I wonder when the Savior will come again so we can be with our little Blaze... I honestly can't wait for him to be here so this heartache can end and our family can be whole.
I have a huge range of emotions running thru me and it probably is not best for me to be blogging right now.
We just want to say THANK YOU to everyone for all of your comments your prayers and your concern for us. There is no way we can thank each of you individually for all you have done for us so we want to say Thank You for thinking of us and for praying for us and for praying for our little Blaze. We Love and Appreciate all of you!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Heaven
Today has been the hardest day of our lives. Our hearts are too heavy to say much but for those of you who have been praying for us and following our blog this is the best way to let everyone know.
When we left Blaze last night he was not doing good... his night was a very hard one! He has been having seizures for a few days but last night and this morning they were continuous. I called the nurse to check on him and she said he was not stable and they could not get him to stop seizing despite all the medication they had given him to control seizures it did not help. So we rushed to the hospital both knowing that today would be full of very hard decisions but knowing what the Lord needed us to do. So much confusion in our heads but so much peace and knowing in our hearts. We rushed to his bedside they were taking an Angeogram of his heart and he was still seizing. The Dr asked to speak with us and pulled us into a private room with a social worker Shawnie our nurse Pat (so ditsy) and a Nurse Practitioner Garry. Because Blaze had been seizing so much doing the heart surgery or PDA was not a very good option also he was depending so much on the respirator they told us the surgery would do little good if they were to be able to do it. They talked us thru what Blaze was experiencing with his seizures and not being able to control them. He not only is a stage 4 on his Brain but he has been hemoraging so bad the seizures were a result of it. We knew we had to make a decision to help Blaze the best way that we could. The Doctors do have to be gloom and doom but we also knew Blaze was in so much pain and has been for a week. So our families came and spent the day with us just to be with us for whatever we needed. Then tonight Ray gave him a name and a blessing and released his little body from this life. After that it was just a short amount of time when his breathing got very difficult even on his ventalator he was having a hard time. Because of his blessing we feel that he went peacefully. He died in our arms at about 7PM tonight.
There are a MILLION emotions attached that are just to fresh to share our hearts are broken and hurt both physically and emotionally! We hope that as parents we did the right thing we have prayed and fasted and begged to know what we needed to do. There was so much peace in our room when he passed thru the veil. I never expspected to feel peace when it was so hard to watch him go. He is the Love of our lives! Our lives have been so blessed to have him in our little family and to know a whole new definition of love. Blaze is the biggest and best thing that has ever happened to us. Words can't express the sadness that we feel to not have him physically with us but we are so grateful that we had him for as long as we did. I will never forget his perfect little face and hands and feet. What we are experiencing we would never wish on anyone part of me wants to be so angry and scream why us WHY?? The other part and hopefully stronger than the other struggles to understand and is grateful that Blaze just needed a body and was too much for this world to handle...
that is all I can say for tonight our hearts are heavy and we miss our little boy. We Love You BLAZE thank you for coming to our family!
When we left Blaze last night he was not doing good... his night was a very hard one! He has been having seizures for a few days but last night and this morning they were continuous. I called the nurse to check on him and she said he was not stable and they could not get him to stop seizing despite all the medication they had given him to control seizures it did not help. So we rushed to the hospital both knowing that today would be full of very hard decisions but knowing what the Lord needed us to do. So much confusion in our heads but so much peace and knowing in our hearts. We rushed to his bedside they were taking an Angeogram of his heart and he was still seizing. The Dr asked to speak with us and pulled us into a private room with a social worker Shawnie our nurse Pat (so ditsy) and a Nurse Practitioner Garry. Because Blaze had been seizing so much doing the heart surgery or PDA was not a very good option also he was depending so much on the respirator they told us the surgery would do little good if they were to be able to do it. They talked us thru what Blaze was experiencing with his seizures and not being able to control them. He not only is a stage 4 on his Brain but he has been hemoraging so bad the seizures were a result of it. We knew we had to make a decision to help Blaze the best way that we could. The Doctors do have to be gloom and doom but we also knew Blaze was in so much pain and has been for a week. So our families came and spent the day with us just to be with us for whatever we needed. Then tonight Ray gave him a name and a blessing and released his little body from this life. After that it was just a short amount of time when his breathing got very difficult even on his ventalator he was having a hard time. Because of his blessing we feel that he went peacefully. He died in our arms at about 7PM tonight.
There are a MILLION emotions attached that are just to fresh to share our hearts are broken and hurt both physically and emotionally! We hope that as parents we did the right thing we have prayed and fasted and begged to know what we needed to do. There was so much peace in our room when he passed thru the veil. I never expspected to feel peace when it was so hard to watch him go. He is the Love of our lives! Our lives have been so blessed to have him in our little family and to know a whole new definition of love. Blaze is the biggest and best thing that has ever happened to us. Words can't express the sadness that we feel to not have him physically with us but we are so grateful that we had him for as long as we did. I will never forget his perfect little face and hands and feet. What we are experiencing we would never wish on anyone part of me wants to be so angry and scream why us WHY?? The other part and hopefully stronger than the other struggles to understand and is grateful that Blaze just needed a body and was too much for this world to handle...
that is all I can say for tonight our hearts are heavy and we miss our little boy. We Love You BLAZE thank you for coming to our family!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Life Flight
Yesterday was a pretty good day for Blaze he was moving a lot more and things seemed to be going ok. We absolutly love his nurses and the staff at IMC is AMAZING! We were able to sit in on what is called rounds when all the nurses and doctors meet together and discuss each baby in the unit and what their plans are for the day it was crazy to hear all the numbers but great to hear that so many people are working on helping our little man. He has a PDA which is a valve in his heart that has a hole in it. All little babies have it but they close off before delivery but where Blaze is so little his is not closed off but it is pumping blood into his lungs. So they can close it off with medication but he is so fragile the Dr does not think it will work and Surgery will be the only way to go.
So this morning we went to see him and he seemed to be doing pretty good but the Nurse Practitioner and Dr wanted to meet with us so we knew it might not be a good thing. We had to leave Ray had school and told them we would be back in the afternoon. About 2:30 we got a call from the Nurse saying they needed to meet with us. I told her we were on our way and she asked if I knew Blaze had been having seizures... I broke down we had no idea! I was ticked that she told me over the phone but she didn't know that we had not been informed. So we quickly drove to the hospital the Doc and Nurse P met us there they let us know that Blaze had been having seizures quite frequently and that his PDA was needing attention as soon as he could have surgery they said it would be best. So they asked our permission to have him transfered to Primary Childrens. We gave our consent and 45 minutes later he was being Life Flighted. It was all a whirlwind to be honest as soon as Life Flight got there I was crying (always) I just don't know how much more trauma we can handle our poor little boy! One of the LF nurses was aweful I wanted to punch her in the face! Anyway to make a long story short Blaze is now at Primary Childrens no longer at IMC and we miss it terribly! Ray wanted to go with him in the helecopter but they don't allow it... I wish he would have seeing the helecopter take off was one of the hardest things knowing that our little boy was in there and we weren't I also HATE flying and Life Flight has always been one of my biggest fears so when they took our little boy I was so scared for him!
He made it and we went to see him ASAP we are not impressed with the circumstances of his room he shares it with 6 other babies which makes it hard to be personal with him and just to be with him in general but that does not really matter. He had such a hard time stabelizing it took him hours and when we left tonight at 9 he still was not doing very good but better than when he first got there. They had his ventalator on 100% but tonight it was down to 50% it is really hard on his lungs so we hope they can get him off of it fast. We met with the Dr he was awesome so good to answer all of our ?s and concerns.... he was the bearer of news we don't really want to hear just that we need to be aware of. Blaze has severe bleeding on his brain... it is not getting better but he has only been with us for a week and his little body is working on so many other things it has not been able to focus on that. He talked to us about quality of life and they are never there to tell us what that is but as a couple we need to decide what that is. It is so hard for us we Love Blaze more than anything in this world and want him to have a good life so we have to decide what we feel is best for him... we have been crying for hours our hearts are so full and we want to do what is right for him. He is such a miracle in our lives! In just one week he has changed our lives forever. We are so tired and so emotionally drained it is time to call it a day. We are grateful for the many prayers and calls and blessings we have recieved in the past 2 weeks we feel so loved.
The hardest thing is wanting to hold him. Ray and I were talking tonight about how if we could just hold him and tell him how much we love him and it will be ok... then the thought occured to me that is how Heavenly Father must feel... if he could just hold us and tell us he loves us and it will be ok.... this is the hardest thing we have ever had to endure and hope to have the faith and courage to make it thru!
So this morning we went to see him and he seemed to be doing pretty good but the Nurse Practitioner and Dr wanted to meet with us so we knew it might not be a good thing. We had to leave Ray had school and told them we would be back in the afternoon. About 2:30 we got a call from the Nurse saying they needed to meet with us. I told her we were on our way and she asked if I knew Blaze had been having seizures... I broke down we had no idea! I was ticked that she told me over the phone but she didn't know that we had not been informed. So we quickly drove to the hospital the Doc and Nurse P met us there they let us know that Blaze had been having seizures quite frequently and that his PDA was needing attention as soon as he could have surgery they said it would be best. So they asked our permission to have him transfered to Primary Childrens. We gave our consent and 45 minutes later he was being Life Flighted. It was all a whirlwind to be honest as soon as Life Flight got there I was crying (always) I just don't know how much more trauma we can handle our poor little boy! One of the LF nurses was aweful I wanted to punch her in the face! Anyway to make a long story short Blaze is now at Primary Childrens no longer at IMC and we miss it terribly! Ray wanted to go with him in the helecopter but they don't allow it... I wish he would have seeing the helecopter take off was one of the hardest things knowing that our little boy was in there and we weren't I also HATE flying and Life Flight has always been one of my biggest fears so when they took our little boy I was so scared for him!
He made it and we went to see him ASAP we are not impressed with the circumstances of his room he shares it with 6 other babies which makes it hard to be personal with him and just to be with him in general but that does not really matter. He had such a hard time stabelizing it took him hours and when we left tonight at 9 he still was not doing very good but better than when he first got there. They had his ventalator on 100% but tonight it was down to 50% it is really hard on his lungs so we hope they can get him off of it fast. We met with the Dr he was awesome so good to answer all of our ?s and concerns.... he was the bearer of news we don't really want to hear just that we need to be aware of. Blaze has severe bleeding on his brain... it is not getting better but he has only been with us for a week and his little body is working on so many other things it has not been able to focus on that. He talked to us about quality of life and they are never there to tell us what that is but as a couple we need to decide what that is. It is so hard for us we Love Blaze more than anything in this world and want him to have a good life so we have to decide what we feel is best for him... we have been crying for hours our hearts are so full and we want to do what is right for him. He is such a miracle in our lives! In just one week he has changed our lives forever. We are so tired and so emotionally drained it is time to call it a day. We are grateful for the many prayers and calls and blessings we have recieved in the past 2 weeks we feel so loved.
The hardest thing is wanting to hold him. Ray and I were talking tonight about how if we could just hold him and tell him how much we love him and it will be ok... then the thought occured to me that is how Heavenly Father must feel... if he could just hold us and tell us he loves us and it will be ok.... this is the hardest thing we have ever had to endure and hope to have the faith and courage to make it thru!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Coming Home
Today has been a bitter sweet day for us. Blaze is doing AWESOME! He has had a great day they are turning down most of his machines and trying to let him do things more on his own and from what we can tell he wants to. I got to see Blazes face today it is the most darling face I have ever seen! I honestly think he is the cuttest baby in the world! I know that ever Mom thinks that but I am in absolute LOVE with this little Man! We went to see him quite a bit today and each time we did we feel so at peace he has been constantly improving despite what the Doctors say he is our little Miracle. We met with 3 different Doctors and nurses gallore today it is so overwhelming but the nurses are so positive it really helps us. We also met with a social worker for parents of preemees and she was awesome she gave us so much helpful information and they offer so many classes for parents who have to keep their babies in the NICU for long periods of time. The staff all the way around have been so helpful our little man is in good hands! We are now home it is so hard to be away from the Hospital because Blaze has to stay there but it so good to be home and be able to make our house even more of a home for him.
We just want to say THANK YOU so much for all of the prayers and fasting and everything that has been done for our family. We have no doubt that your prayers have blessed our little family more than you may ever know. Each time we see Blaze I am in awe at just how much he is watched over by our Heavenly Father and am so amazed at how much love this little boy has brought into the lives of others in just 3 days. We are blessed beyond measure and just want to always say THANK YOU for caring so much!
Hopefully tomorrow will be even better for him than today! Until then We Love You!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
An Overwhelmed Heart
Blazes little hand... compared to a quarter
Blazes little foot... I love his little feetThe last few days have been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. Blaze is doing so good he is our little Hero. Despite all the Doctors have said he is doing so well we can see the hand of God in our lives and in his tiny little body. We have been so blessed to have so many family and freinds stop in to see us and everyone has been such a great support thru all of this I just can't even begin to describe how blessed we are!
Yesterday was a rough one for little Blaze. We went down to see him in the morning and he just looked so peaceful and content but the nurses didn't act like everything was ok... they are very good at keeping us informed so they brought the Dr in to talk to us. Rays parents were here so they sat in with us as well. The Dr told us he has bleeding on his brain and on a scale of 1 to 4 one being the best and four the worst he was definitely a 4. Needless to say there have been many many tears and so much heartache. We don't want him to suffer in any way and to have the Dr say that he is and severly was a very hard thing to take. However he is so strong and made it thru the day we visited him several times and he continually seems to get better. The darling nurse last night her name is Chanda she has been such a blessing in taking care of our little man and he does so good when she is on. We asked her to work all the time just to help him get better but she has a family of her own DANG IT. But she gave us our hope back letting us know that she has seen the very worst situation turn to the very best one. She told us not to be discouraged these little babies are stronger than we give them credit for sometimes. She also took the prints of his hands and feet for us. (attached pics) Ray went down last night at about 2AM just to see him. Then this morning when I went down Ray had written a little prayer asking Heavenly Father to keep him safe thru the night as we can't hold him. I love Ray so much he is my strength and the love of my life. Blaze is so lucky to have a Daddy like Ray who cares so much about him. All of the Nurses and Doctors are working so hard and take such good care of him he could not be in a better place to recieve the attention that he needs it is just so hard to watch his little body struggle so much and know there is nothing we can do other than pray and watch.
Today was a really good day for him he is our little Miracle in every way possible! He had such a good night and is doing so good. He has some air between his heart and lungs so they removed it today and he did so well he was stable thru the entire procedure. Also tonight he was breathing on his own it looks like so much work for him but he is so determined to do it. We Love his little spirit and strong will. Thank You to all of the family and freinds who have come to visit and to see him.
We just went down to tell him goodnight and I can't stop crying I don't want to leave him tomorrow... something about being in the hospital has given me comfort and I have said for a week that I just can't wait to go home but that is not the case now... it is funny how time and the heart has a way of changing things. I wish with all my heart I could take his pain away! I just want to express my gratitute to Heavenly Father for the countless miracles we have whitnessed this week in our lives my heart continues to hope for miracles with Blaze even though he has only been in our family for a few days I can't imagine our lives without him. Please continue to pray for Miracles for Blaze he needs all the help he can get. I know that God loves us I can't help but feel that he has Blaze in his hands watching over him I just need to have a little more faith and a little more hope.
Until our next post Blaze is doing great Thank You for your prayers and Love we can't express how we feel for all that you do for us!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Blaze Lyle King
Our little guy made it thru his first day today. He is such a handsome little man and a fighter at that. He weighs 1lb 13 oz and is 13 inches long. Ray went down to see him at about 2 am of course I couldn't but he has the Nessen feet and the little King nose is doing so well.
We decided to name him Blaze Lyle King the cute little nurse in NICU loved it she said it sounded like a superhero dah dah dahhhh BLAZE.
Last night is all a bit of a blur I'm not gonna lie... Ray wrote our post because I just could not even function after the delivery... he wrote it like it was me ha ha but it was not so I will give you a little more detail as to what it was like. Yesterday was so rough the contractions just would not stop no matter what they tried and my body had so much medicine I just lay in bed shaking my heart was racing from all of the contration stopping medications they had me on. About 7 or so the Dr came into visit and I was in a lot of pain so she checked and all at once it was go time... the only thing I could think of was to call Ash and let her know.. I knew she would let everyone else know from there... and she said she was on her way... I needed her here and she came I have the BEST sister in the whole world!
It all happened so fast the anestesiologist was in giving me a epidural to which I had to sign a conseingment form of which we have no idea what it said... when pain is the driving reason I guess it does not matter. So they gave me the epidural and took me on my bed into the OR room #3 and moved me onto a little delivery bed. I was shaking so bad being so nervous for our little guy and what his outcome might be... so my water broke and YES it was just like the movies... GUSH of water going all over the floor it was NUTS. Then we just waited.... and waited... and waited. No baby King... he decided he didn't want to come then ha ha.
To make a long story short and as you already know they did an emergency C section which was the most pain I have ever experienced because I was not numb and I just started screaming... OOUUU OUUUUUU Ray started crying asking me to stay with him... I honestly thought "this is what it feels like to die" I was calm on the outside but freaking out on the inside. Grateful for an AMAZING anestesiologist they got me the meds needed to finish the operation. And our little man made it. He let out a little yelp as our darling Dr said there is the handsome little guy... and he is! HE IS ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was so exhausted after everything I couldn't focus at all but Ray stayed up and handled it all he went to see him at 2 AM and took care of the Drs and Nurses coming in and out letting us know what our little man needed at all times.
Honestly the feeling of being a Mom is nothing like I imagined... last week I was doing everything I could to keep him in for just a little bit longer to grow.. and now seeing him I love him even more than I did just a week ago Our hearts are full knowing that is ours that he is so healthy . He is ours! Nothing will ever change that! I got to see him for the first time today he is so small pictures do it no justice but he is doing so good! He is a fighter!
Today has been so busy filled with such an outpouring of Love for us! Niki came by early this morning to see us after her shift my Sis stayed the night with my Mom and Dad at our place so they came to visit for a while and brought us breakfast and a darling present for Blaze.. a blanket and onzie that says "tough Cookie" they are darling! Ash had such a hard time we feel aweful but she is the best AUNT ever he LOVES her! Jess came by for a visit and brought us tons of drinks from the convention she was at... Then Rays Parents, Kes, Tyrel and Elena abd darling Silas came tonight Silas made us a Melmo card its darling! We got tons of calls and emails and flowers and just have had a tremendous ourpouring of Love THANK YOU everyone for all you have done!
Ray and his Dad and brothers gave him a blessing. Talk about a humbling experience he is so small and being blessed by the preisthood. I am so grateful for Ray and the way that he honors his preisthood and the covenants he has made we have needed the blessings of heaven in our lives this week more than ever and we have been able to have them because of him.
Just Ray and I went to see him tonight to be with just our little family. I am so humbled and so grateful that he is doing so well... it is so hard to be so helpless in the way of being able to hold him and give him any support physically because we can't but when we were talking to him his blood pressure rose and the cute little nurse said " He knows that you are here" I felt this peace and reassurance that he does know us and knows that we are fighting for him too.
Until tomorrow He is the LOVE of our lives!
Thank YOU for your prayers and constant love and concern for our family We Love You!
Day #6 - The Delivery: Baby King is Here!
This morning started out great! Both Ray and I got a good nights rest, and we woke up feeling quite well. Ray went to work last night, it was good for him to get out of the Hospital for a while, and get some exercise in at the same time. Poor guy, told me he had a couple of breakdowns at work while listening to some music, and praying to our Father that all would be okay.
As the day moved on, my body started making adjustments, and I could tell that it was different today. The nurses played with the IV's I was getting to see if they could calm down my contractions, and a couple times they did just fine. A little later in the afternoon, the contractions came back, and were very steady every 3 or 4 minutes, and getting more intense. After trying a few different shots and medications, the Resident doctor decided that it was time to go.
I got a quick epidural and they wheeled me into the OR and prepped me for delivery. They were very quick about it, and had me ready to go in just a few minutes. We watched the monitor as the contractions came, each one worse than the last. The doctors could feel the amniotic sack bulging, and were waiting for it to break, after about half an hour, Doctor Brown decided it was time to break my water. She went ahead, and afterwards, it was like everything took a big slow down! Seriously, my contractions spread out, and were less intense. After some time of waiting, the doctors decided to just let time pass and do it's work. Finally around 9:30, the doctors came back, and I was dialated to about a 9. After a couple of steady pushes, everything slowed down again. The doctor said it was almost as I had gone back to a 7.
After a few minutes like this, the baby's heartbeat started to slow down from all the pressure. When it was down for a couple minutes, the doctor acted quickly and ordered an emergency C-Section. I was numbed up and prepped for surgery. The doctor asked if I was numb to the touch, and on the surface I was. They started the initial incisions, and I felt the worst pain ever!! I wasn't numb all the way!! (I'll have to tell you more later about this event, as I am still pretty groggy).
Well, the next thing I heard my doctor say was "There he is! There's the handsome boy!" Ray caught a quick glimpse of him as the nurses passed him through the NICU window. Just as he went through, Ray heard him let out a little wimper and a cry!! That was the best feeling in the world to know that he could cry on his own!!
Later the doctor came in to tell us that the Baby was doing great, and that he was screaming the whole time! They gave him a breathing tube, and he is fighting strong! We'll update again as soon as we can, we love you all, and we are so so grateful for all your prayers!
As the day moved on, my body started making adjustments, and I could tell that it was different today. The nurses played with the IV's I was getting to see if they could calm down my contractions, and a couple times they did just fine. A little later in the afternoon, the contractions came back, and were very steady every 3 or 4 minutes, and getting more intense. After trying a few different shots and medications, the Resident doctor decided that it was time to go.
I got a quick epidural and they wheeled me into the OR and prepped me for delivery. They were very quick about it, and had me ready to go in just a few minutes. We watched the monitor as the contractions came, each one worse than the last. The doctors could feel the amniotic sack bulging, and were waiting for it to break, after about half an hour, Doctor Brown decided it was time to break my water. She went ahead, and afterwards, it was like everything took a big slow down! Seriously, my contractions spread out, and were less intense. After some time of waiting, the doctors decided to just let time pass and do it's work. Finally around 9:30, the doctors came back, and I was dialated to about a 9. After a couple of steady pushes, everything slowed down again. The doctor said it was almost as I had gone back to a 7.
After a few minutes like this, the baby's heartbeat started to slow down from all the pressure. When it was down for a couple minutes, the doctor acted quickly and ordered an emergency C-Section. I was numbed up and prepped for surgery. The doctor asked if I was numb to the touch, and on the surface I was. They started the initial incisions, and I felt the worst pain ever!! I wasn't numb all the way!! (I'll have to tell you more later about this event, as I am still pretty groggy).
Well, the next thing I heard my doctor say was "There he is! There's the handsome boy!" Ray caught a quick glimpse of him as the nurses passed him through the NICU window. Just as he went through, Ray heard him let out a little wimper and a cry!! That was the best feeling in the world to know that he could cry on his own!!
Later the doctor came in to tell us that the Baby was doing great, and that he was screaming the whole time! They gave him a breathing tube, and he is fighting strong! We'll update again as soon as we can, we love you all, and we are so so grateful for all your prayers!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Day 5 "A Boring Day"
We made it thru another night and day YAY!! Thank You everyone for your prayers and thoughts today We and I very personally have felt them more than ever and it has blessed us in more ways than we ever imagined. Honestly I didn't think I would make it thru last night Thank You Ashleigh for listening to me just cry to you on the phone and for helping me to remember we are all fighting for this little boy to make it and I am not doing it alone. I am so grateful for technology and being able to just vent it out on a blog.. bless you blogger technology!
Last night we were able to sleep for the most part he was so calm and didn't try to deliver. We are so blessed to have GREAT nurses they have been more than helpful and so great to help us try and stay positive. They are calling us the miracle patients which we appreciate because we have started calling him our little miracle baby! Each time they leave they don't expect us to be here when they come back for the next shift and we are so they think we are good luck or something we just know we are blessed!
Today our spirits were up Ray has been so great to stay so positive thru all of this he always looks at the bright side of things which has been a tremendous help. Today has been pretty calm other than the medication they have me on is Magnesium Sulfate which is super hard on your body but every time they take it off or lower the dose the contractions start up again... so they have tried a few times but I am back upto 3mg an hour for as long as I can take it. His heartbeat has been steady all day at 120 to 130 and he has been so good. Our Dr always comes in and says "I want you to have a boring day ok?" so in her case I think this was the perfect example of a boring day and one more day for our little man... she did say this morning that one day in the womb for him at this point is 3 days he will have to spend in INICU so each day gives us 3 more days we can have him at home with us.
Thank you everyone again for your prayers and posts we are so blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives! Lets hope for a night and day as good as today has been! We have felt the Love that Heavenly Father really has for us today!
Last night we were able to sleep for the most part he was so calm and didn't try to deliver. We are so blessed to have GREAT nurses they have been more than helpful and so great to help us try and stay positive. They are calling us the miracle patients which we appreciate because we have started calling him our little miracle baby! Each time they leave they don't expect us to be here when they come back for the next shift and we are so they think we are good luck or something we just know we are blessed!
Today our spirits were up Ray has been so great to stay so positive thru all of this he always looks at the bright side of things which has been a tremendous help. Today has been pretty calm other than the medication they have me on is Magnesium Sulfate which is super hard on your body but every time they take it off or lower the dose the contractions start up again... so they have tried a few times but I am back upto 3mg an hour for as long as I can take it. His heartbeat has been steady all day at 120 to 130 and he has been so good. Our Dr always comes in and says "I want you to have a boring day ok?" so in her case I think this was the perfect example of a boring day and one more day for our little man... she did say this morning that one day in the womb for him at this point is 3 days he will have to spend in INICU so each day gives us 3 more days we can have him at home with us.
Thank you everyone again for your prayers and posts we are so blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives! Lets hope for a night and day as good as today has been! We have felt the Love that Heavenly Father really has for us today!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Day # 4
This may be long and emotional....
It is now the end of day #4 I can't even begin to describe the emotional, physical, or spiritual process this has been. We were waiting for our Dr. to come in on Monday morning and hoping that she would release us... well she did come in and came right down to labor and delivery to see us but she did not give us the news we were hoping for. She said there was absolutly no way we were going home with this little man trying to make it so soon. To make a very long story short we were dialated to a 4 and 80 percent effaced... our little guy is only 6cm and wants to come right now... so if we were to go home and he decided NOW is the time even though we live just a few miles from the hospital there would be no way he would make it. So we are here until he delivers which they say will be very soon and we have had many times when we thought it was the moment but luckily he is still in the incubator for now.
When the Dr told us we had to stay a flood of emtions came to both of us... Ray had anger and frustration just wondering how in the world we would afford it... I had the same thoughts as well as a surreal "this can't or is not happening to us" feeling. The tears came so freely for both of us especially as we relize the magnitude of the situation and that each moment we get with him in the womb is one more moment that could save his life. We had another ultrasound to measure his weight and size he is measuring bigger than he is in weeks... we are 24 weeks and he measures at 26 weeks and 1lb 15oz also he is in the 73 percentile for his due time. He is our strong little boy and a big one at that which if any odds can help we will take them! Anything that can work at all in his favor.
We have been flooded with love and concern from everyone we know so THANK YOU for your prayers we have felt them in our behalf and continue to be so blessed! We are grateful for everyone that is helping and praying for us especially! I just want to share a few of my present thoughts...
I am emotionally drained to say the least it is 11:30 PM I am typing this while Ray tries to sleep I feel so bad for him! In the background all I can hear is our little mans heartbeat and wonder how muh longer we both can make it. Last night and today have been among some of the hardest in my life. I though we were going to have him last night... each time I felt like it was the moment... something would come up. I would talk myself out of an epidural or there would be an emergency c section and all of the nurses would have to leave.... the timing just never worked out and gratefully it has given our little man one more day to grow. In the midst of all of this I thought that by the end of today we would have a little boy in INICU and we would be moving on from there... instead my emtions are going to be the death of me if this hospital bed is not. My whole body hurts as they keep giving me different medications to stop contractions, I can't even get out of bed to shower or sit up in any way. I worry so much about our little boy and if I will be able to hang on long enough to give him a fighting chance. So as I lay here and cry I can't help but hope I am stronger than I think I am and have more faith than I think I do. Listening to his little heart beat I just want to know that I have done all I can. The nurses keep saying no matter what the outcome please do not put blame on yourself for whatever happens" That is si much easier said than done... I keep praying for a confirmation to know when the timing is the Lords and not mine... it has not come yet so we continue to pray and hold on until it does. Knowing tha he has control over this and that I need to be still and know that he is God. My heart is heavy and my eyes are too.... more to come on the King baby
Thank you again for all of your prayers and all that has been done and is being done in our behalf WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is now the end of day #4 I can't even begin to describe the emotional, physical, or spiritual process this has been. We were waiting for our Dr. to come in on Monday morning and hoping that she would release us... well she did come in and came right down to labor and delivery to see us but she did not give us the news we were hoping for. She said there was absolutly no way we were going home with this little man trying to make it so soon. To make a very long story short we were dialated to a 4 and 80 percent effaced... our little guy is only 6cm and wants to come right now... so if we were to go home and he decided NOW is the time even though we live just a few miles from the hospital there would be no way he would make it. So we are here until he delivers which they say will be very soon and we have had many times when we thought it was the moment but luckily he is still in the incubator for now.
When the Dr told us we had to stay a flood of emtions came to both of us... Ray had anger and frustration just wondering how in the world we would afford it... I had the same thoughts as well as a surreal "this can't or is not happening to us" feeling. The tears came so freely for both of us especially as we relize the magnitude of the situation and that each moment we get with him in the womb is one more moment that could save his life. We had another ultrasound to measure his weight and size he is measuring bigger than he is in weeks... we are 24 weeks and he measures at 26 weeks and 1lb 15oz also he is in the 73 percentile for his due time. He is our strong little boy and a big one at that which if any odds can help we will take them! Anything that can work at all in his favor.
We have been flooded with love and concern from everyone we know so THANK YOU for your prayers we have felt them in our behalf and continue to be so blessed! We are grateful for everyone that is helping and praying for us especially! I just want to share a few of my present thoughts...
I am emotionally drained to say the least it is 11:30 PM I am typing this while Ray tries to sleep I feel so bad for him! In the background all I can hear is our little mans heartbeat and wonder how muh longer we both can make it. Last night and today have been among some of the hardest in my life. I though we were going to have him last night... each time I felt like it was the moment... something would come up. I would talk myself out of an epidural or there would be an emergency c section and all of the nurses would have to leave.... the timing just never worked out and gratefully it has given our little man one more day to grow. In the midst of all of this I thought that by the end of today we would have a little boy in INICU and we would be moving on from there... instead my emtions are going to be the death of me if this hospital bed is not. My whole body hurts as they keep giving me different medications to stop contractions, I can't even get out of bed to shower or sit up in any way. I worry so much about our little boy and if I will be able to hang on long enough to give him a fighting chance. So as I lay here and cry I can't help but hope I am stronger than I think I am and have more faith than I think I do. Listening to his little heart beat I just want to know that I have done all I can. The nurses keep saying no matter what the outcome please do not put blame on yourself for whatever happens" That is si much easier said than done... I keep praying for a confirmation to know when the timing is the Lords and not mine... it has not come yet so we continue to pray and hold on until it does. Knowing tha he has control over this and that I need to be still and know that he is God. My heart is heavy and my eyes are too.... more to come on the King baby
Thank you again for all of your prayers and all that has been done and is being done in our behalf WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Our Mothers Day Weekend
Yesterday we got up early to get a bunch done and I started having contractions that kept getting closer together. So we finished up shopping and went home where I just layed down to see if we could get them to go away... no such luck at about 1:00 we called the Dr on shift and she suggested we come in and just have it checked out so we did. They just thought I had a UTI which causes contractions not a big deal but my contractions went from about every 10 minutes to about every 4 so they did a bunch of test one of them didn't take so they did it again, and decided they would check me and to all of our surprise, we were dialated to a 4, and 70% effaced!! We had somewhat of an overly dramatic doctor on call, and the way she acted, we were all sure that the baby was coming soon... WAY TOO SOON!!
So we stayed in Triage for the afternoon while the nurses pumped me with Magnesium Sulfate and Penicilin. It was pretty stressful for both Ray and I, both of us not sure what was going on, or what was about to happen. The nurses kept checking us, and the doctor checked a couple more times with no change in the dialating. Soon after, a neo-natal specialist came in to talk to us, she was very nice, but very blunt, which was probably a good thing. She told us that at 24 weeks, our baby would have a 50/50 chance of survival. One more week, and we would have a 75% chance.
Around 4 in the afternoon, we were admitted to a room, and still had everything pumping into my veins. I had a steroid shot to help with the babies development, incase it decided to come early. It was a long evening into night, being checked on every half hour to hour making sure everything was okay. Ray's brother and a couple good friends from the ward came over to help Ray give me a blessing.
I was still dialated to a 4, and my contractions were every 3 to 4 minutes. Ray tried to sleep on the 'comfy' sofa/bed in the room, while I didn't sleep much at all. After hours of this, I finally hit a breaking point, and everything kinda came down on me at once. I began crying and crying, and couldn't control my sobbing. The oxygen monitor I was wearing kept beeping because my oxygen levels would get low. Finally about 4:30, Ray got up and came to sit by me and stroked my hair and helped me to calm down. I was finally able to get to sleep about 5:30, and slept pretty good for the morning except for the nurses checking on me.
From about 7 am and on, my contractions severely dropped in intensity and frequency, which was a great blessing. Throughout the day, everything progessively got better, and now we are laying here with pretty much zero contractions, and the baby has a steady heartbeat right where it should be. The prayers from Family and Friends have been such a blessing, and they are really showing through now!! Thank you so much for all your prayers! We're going to keep fighting and carry this baby as long as we can before he decides to come, we'll keep you posted with how it all turns out. Love you all!!
So we stayed in Triage for the afternoon while the nurses pumped me with Magnesium Sulfate and Penicilin. It was pretty stressful for both Ray and I, both of us not sure what was going on, or what was about to happen. The nurses kept checking us, and the doctor checked a couple more times with no change in the dialating. Soon after, a neo-natal specialist came in to talk to us, she was very nice, but very blunt, which was probably a good thing. She told us that at 24 weeks, our baby would have a 50/50 chance of survival. One more week, and we would have a 75% chance.
Around 4 in the afternoon, we were admitted to a room, and still had everything pumping into my veins. I had a steroid shot to help with the babies development, incase it decided to come early. It was a long evening into night, being checked on every half hour to hour making sure everything was okay. Ray's brother and a couple good friends from the ward came over to help Ray give me a blessing.
I was still dialated to a 4, and my contractions were every 3 to 4 minutes. Ray tried to sleep on the 'comfy' sofa/bed in the room, while I didn't sleep much at all. After hours of this, I finally hit a breaking point, and everything kinda came down on me at once. I began crying and crying, and couldn't control my sobbing. The oxygen monitor I was wearing kept beeping because my oxygen levels would get low. Finally about 4:30, Ray got up and came to sit by me and stroked my hair and helped me to calm down. I was finally able to get to sleep about 5:30, and slept pretty good for the morning except for the nurses checking on me.
From about 7 am and on, my contractions severely dropped in intensity and frequency, which was a great blessing. Throughout the day, everything progessively got better, and now we are laying here with pretty much zero contractions, and the baby has a steady heartbeat right where it should be. The prayers from Family and Friends have been such a blessing, and they are really showing through now!! Thank you so much for all your prayers! We're going to keep fighting and carry this baby as long as we can before he decides to come, we'll keep you posted with how it all turns out. Love you all!!
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