Two Months & Love

Today marks 2 months since we had Blaze. I can't believe how quickly (looking back) the time has gone. Each day we still miss him and pray that Heavenly Father will tell him we love him and are grateful he came to our family. Also each day seems to bring a new resolution to make it thru a little better than we did the day before to be a little kinder and have a little more faith that the man upstairs knows what he is doing. Ray has been so much better at the faith part than I have and I am grateful that marriage is created the way that it is when one is weak the other is strong. I am grateful for his strength to hold my up when I feel to weak to do it on my own I am grateful for his Faith in God and in his plan and I am grateful to have him as my eternal companion I could not make it without him!

So many emotions are still worn on my sleeve I am ok most of the time but I still get the tear filled eyes when asked how I am doing because I feel my heart break a little knowing they genuinly care and am grateful to be loved just the same if I burst into tears. I always told Ray I must have stood in the love line too many times in heaven but there can never be too much love and I am grateful that Blaze has brought more of that into our lives that I ever knew was possible. We Love you Blaze!

Last night my Bishop from my Singles ward years ago called me. Bishop Innes who is now President Innes. This man has done remakable things in my life and I will always be so grateful for the opportunity I have of knowing and loving him. He was the reason I went on my mission and the reason I stayed on my mission and my life has been blessed everyday for it. He had heard of our loss and wanted to send his condolences. He said a phrase that stuck he said " As hard as it is and has been I bet you have seen the Love of the Lord thru people in a way you never exspected" It is true I have and am amazed at the out pouring of love for our family thru Blazes birth and Death so I wanted so say a just few thank yous.

I want to do a little shout out to a few people who I am so grateful for knowing there are way too many to mention I may just start shout out highlights for the blessings in my life.

First shout out to my Aunt Tammy. She is an AMAZING woman who I have seen shine thru so much for us in the last few months. She gives with her whole heart! She never hesitates to serve those she loves and would give anything to make you feel loved. I wish I could show her my heart I love her more than she will ever know I am greatful for her wisdom and feel a closeness with her that I can't describe like we are sisters. I am grateful for her understanding as we face this trial in our lifes I don't know why but I feel like she understands the pain we are going thru and can empathize with me. I love you Aunt Tammy

Next Shout out is Rays Aunt Leslee what a remarkable woman! I don't know much about he life other that she has faced very hard things and is an amazing example of faith and endurance. I have been blessed to feel a closeness to her and am grateful that she asks how I am doing knowing that on the outside I am ok but the inside I am hurt. She always says "how are you doing really" She is genuine and I am greatful for her in my life! She is a tremendous woman of faith! Thank you Aunt Leslee for loving me for me and for caring so much about us! I love You!

Last shoutout but not the least is my Sister. She is my best friend and can tell me I'm crazy and I still love her just the same. She is the best Mom and Wife on the planet and even though she is younger than me I look up to her in so many ways. She has been such a great strength to me all of my adult life. She is faithful and full of love, she is Beautiful and strong. She is so many things I hope to be and the best sister and friend I could ever ask for. She understands and loves me for me which is the greatest blessing of all. I am grateful that I have her to help me make it thru when times get tough and when times are good! I love you Sis!

I am so grateful that God gives me the things I need thru the people that I love. Honestly this experiece would be unbearable without the love of family and friends. So a shout out to all who love and express their concern and pray for us and ALL you have done for our little family in these last 2 months we are so grateful. I hope to live each day so Blaze can say from the other side "thats my Mommy she's awesome!" That is what I live for now.. to make it to Blaze and to tell him Thank You and I love him in person. I hope to be a little better each day!

WE LOVE YOU!