Lifes Decisions

This may be a spuing post... I have a lot on my mind that needs to be recorded for journaling purposes... so here we go.
Last week on the way to Rays baseball games we were talking about school (a frequent in our home) we've been discussing the option of him getting his Masters in Chemical Engineering.. the U will pay for it and it's only another year. Well a while ago we had decided that was not what he wanted to do. So our conversation went something like this...
Ray "I think I want to get a minor in Nuclear engineering and have my major be Chemical Engineering"
Me "Okay what does that mean?"
Ray "One more year of school"
Me "Okay why do you want to do that instead of getting your masters"
Ray "Better job opportunities, and more experience in more than just one area"
Me "Okay so I need to keep working after baby G. comes?"
Ray "I don't want you to, but in order to keep our insurance I think so"
Me "Okay..."
So after a little time to process... I don't want to go back to work the plan was just to go back for a few months until Ray graduates... but with this new horizon I just get to say I'll do it... I don't want to but if it means better opportunities for us in the future I can make the sacrifice.. my Mom always worked and usually more than one job. Most of the women in my family work... and we seem to have turned out great in my opinion... I've come to realize with age life isn't always fair and being a stay at home mom isn't in the cards for everyone... one day just not yet.

So many conversations have come after that... Will we stay in school for another year? Should we? What will be best for our family? How do we know if this is whats right? I guess it will all come in time. Meanwhile I try not to worry about daycare or where our little guy will go while his Mommy works and Daddy schools... but I have a feeling it will all work out. And if working means insurance for our family it's what needs to be done.

In other news...
We had an ultrasound of our little man Baby G. yesterday. He is A-DORABLE if I do say so myself... he doesn't really like being invaded with the ultrasound techs. He is a little thumb sucker just like Blaze was and WE LOVE HIM! Everything looks great so far one more ultrasound in 2 weeks will tell if anymore extra measures to keep him in need to be done but so far so good.

I got an A on a book analysis that I did last week. I read the book in 2 days and wrote the report the night before it was due (I missed the first class and had no idea about it that's why there was such a rush) I almost died when he handed me the paper with a A on it :) saing "Supurb job Janet" WHAT.... Okay so maybe I don't mind being graded ha ha.

They're selling the house we live in currently... so we hope it doesn't sell quickly... so we can stay for a while WE LOVE IT THERE! We love the ward! We love our friends and neighbors! We LOVE the yard and we LOVE the view... hopefully it will be a while!

Pics to come of Baby G. and the belly... we no longer have the internet at home... so its hard to download pics... but they will come :)

Ten Pound Melt Down

Ok so my usual Monday morning routine...
Stay in bed as long as humanly possible because it can't possibly be Monday already!
Wake Up
Roll out of bed
Let Dexter out because he might die if he has to wait one more minute
Wobble into the bathroom
Do the usual morning thing
Get on the scale... WHAT 10LBS that can't be right...
Weigh again... yes 10LBS
I KNOW I AM PREGNANT PEEPS I understand that but 10lbs in 20 weeks... Ahhh
CONFESSION: I LOVE OREOS They're my most recent desirable sin... ok there I got it off my chest I may have consumed a few too many this weekend resulting in the more than I'd like it to be weigh gain.
The reason I have such a hard time with weight gain... is I have work so hard over the last 10 years to loose it... finally for the first time in my life I am starting to feel good about my body then we get pregnant. Which we are exstatic about don't at all get me wrong we have waited for so long for another little baby to join our family we can't even wait!
Weight gain is just such a struggle for me after working so hard to get it off... I've lost 70lbs... (one day I'll post pics of then & now) So this morning I had my 10lb melt down... I feel gross and out of shape and giggly I know its all for a good cause... its just a very mental thing for me to learn it's ok to gain.

Blazes Little ....

It's a BOY!!! We are SO EXCITED! Shocked that we're having a boy but oh so excited! We bought him this little outfit to bring him home in. Everything looks great and we go back in 2 weeks to make sure it's all still good! Yeah for little boys we feel so blessed!

Doctor Appts and Blazes Box

Today we meet with Maternal Fetal Medicine for the start of something we hope is more in our control this time. The Doctors are watching us very close to try and prevent preterm labor... I started Progesterone shots 2 weeks ago Monday and Ray is great at making sure he doesn't hurt me when he gives them to me in the hips. Now onto the next 10 weeks we will have regular check ups with the goal of getting us past 28 weeks. I am full of emotion... to say the least.
This week has been a tearful one I think for many reasons...
1) Labor day is over and that means so are the family campouts and I am always emotional when I have to come back 'home' and not be with my family anymore.
2) Fall is already here... I was so dang HOT this summer I thought I would die I didn't wish the summer away but it seemed to fly by and time is getting away from me
3) We're nearing the 20s of this pregnancy... I am scared, I am nervous, I am worried, and I am trying to be calm but my heart is reliving steps with Blaze. How far along we were.. what if we have to go thru the same things again? Am I strong enough to watch my baby in an incubator knowing there is very little I can do other than pray but know it is not up to me alone!
We got down Blazes box on Tuesday ... to look for his picture CD that we can't find... so I thought maybe it would be in there... the last time I looked in Blazes box was when we packed it to move almost a year ago. I asked Ray to do it knowing I may not be able to handle it... so I let him get it down from our closet and I then went in to help. We were both in tears pulling out his tiny clothes, seeing the blankets we last held him in, the tiny shoes from Aunt Ashleigh, the gifts and cards from people we love so much and people we don't even know, and the premee outfit we put him in that was way to big but he was cold... all of the emotions of such loss and heartache from someone we love so much tucked away in one little box. He is our little hero and I hope he is in heaven teaching this little baby all he knows.
So my heart is excited and scared all at the same time. I hope heaven knows the love we have for Blaze and the hope and love we have for this little one to come.
We Love You Blaze!
I will let you know if we get to find out the gender today :) ahhhh I will be shocked if it is not a girl :) We will see what my motherly instincts bring.

Ohhhh Back to School

Its already here... School is starting again. Ray starts today and I start Wednesday. Its finally time for me to go back. I have been putting Ray thru school for a few years since we both couldn't afford to go and I had the better job but the time has come for me to go back.

For years I have been tormented with what I want to be when I grow up... I always thought I wanted to be a Kindergarden teacher I LOVE that age they are so fun. So my entire education has been centered around that. However the older I get it just doesn't feel right. I love kids and I want to make a difference in the lives of others but I don't feel like the public school system is the way for me to do that. I also started hairschool (that was very short lived) I love hair but can't stand Drama so we have been waiting till I could go full time.
To make a very long story short I decided just to register for classes and hopefully I could find something that I would really love... well I've decided to head towards Pediatric Social Work. Because of Blaze and a WONDERFUL social worker at the hospital named Carol. I have decided that is how I can make a difference in the lives of others. It has been 1 yr and 3 months since we lost Blaze and I still remember how wonderful she was. The way she impacted our lives in just one week changed us forever! She loved Blaze and never missed one day seeing us and making sure we were doing alright. She was there every minute during his life flight experience and took the time to send us every picture the sweet nurses had taken of our little angel. I want to make that kind of a difference for families who are facing trials we have faced. It finally feels right and for the first time in years I have peace about school. I finally know what I want to be when I grow up :) Good thing I'm not grown up yet! I might be the oldest one in my classes but you're never too old to learn right :) Back to School!

Raging FUN weekend

Ash and Mike came down to spend the weekend with us and we had a BLAST!!
Friday night we ordered Pizza and went shopping (Target I LOVE YOU). We stayed up way too late and had a great time talking and laughing.
Saturday we girls went to get Pedis while the boys went golfing. (Pics of Pedis to come)
Then we went to Raging waters ALL DAY we had a SO MUCH FUN!

This is the pre-wet and pre-sunburned us :)
Let the FUN begin!

Kenna & Tasian in the tube waiting to go down slides. LOVE THEM!
Ray off the rope swing... don't worry he didn't land on his back like that.
Ash off the slide... the water was FREEZING! Mike went with her but he came out later Sorry Mike I didn't get it.
Kenna couldn't take it anymore and fell asleep in the tube while in the wave pool... so Ash and Mike carried her back to our spot and she slept happily for over an hour.
THEN... We went home got ready and went to the Demolition Derby with the Jespersens we LAUGHED so hard we had a great time!

We stayed up way late again and had fun all day Sunday celebrating Jennas b-day with the fam! I LOVE WEEKENDS! Thanks Ash and Mike for all the fun!

Saturday Showers of Love

Last Saturday I spent all day with my sister

She had a shopping day in Park City with all of her girlfriends from HS and invited me to come shop the day with her... I thought I'd only be there a couple hours... how about 7!
I loved every minute I got to spend with her!
She is a wife to Mike for 7 amazing years.
She is a mother of 3. One in Heaven playing with Blaze and two here that I ADORE.
She is working as a CNA
She is a full time student to be a pediatric nurse.
She is a business owner.
She is a runner and fitness guru.
She spends at least an hour a day on the phone with me... sometimes giggling. sometimes venting, sometimes crying. We never miss a day talking to each other.
She is a daughter, an aunt, a sister, and a friend.
She is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING to me!
She is my BEST FRIEND!
I feel so blessed to have her as my Sister! We had a blast shopping and I can't wait to spend this whole weekend with her too!
then I met Ray in Heber to watch a rodeo... WE LOVE RODEOS :). So shout out to J and his snow shack he got us in for free... it was fun but cold so we didn't stay the whole time. We got home and Ray had a present for me...
he made me these...
Car Seat Covers for our Baby... WHAT A MAN!

They are totally John Deere... SO CUTE!
I was so surprised. I've been making them to sell and he's been helping me make some little boys ties... so I thought the surprise was a bunch of ties.. NOPE he went and got fabric and sewed these adorable car seat covers for our little baby. One for a boy and one for a girl. So when we find out what we're having we will have a car seat cover made with love.
I feel so blessed to be married to Ray! He is the LOVE OF MY LIFE! I think back on all we have been thru in almost 4 years (since we started dating) and I can't imagine how empty my life would be without him. I couldn't have made it thru the trials we have faced without him by my side.
He is my Hero.
He is a full time student at the U (GO UTAH)as well as an Intern.
He is a lawn mowing, weed pulling, fence fixing, Dexter bathing and loving, bed making, lunch fixing, surpise brewing, handsome, and a million more things Man.
I AM SO IN LOVE WITH HIM!
So Saturday night I lay in bed feeling so blessed that I got to spend the day with two people that I LOVE. I feel blessed to be part of their lives and I am a better person because of both of them. I am grateful to have bonds that will last beyond this life and to know what love feels like!