Miss Kenna

I LOVE this little girl! We got to see her on Sunday... we decided last minute to go to FHE in Brigham to see my Moms side of the family.
So on the way there Miss Kenna says to Ashleigh
Kenna: "Mom is Aunt Janet coming?"
Ash: "Yes honey she will be there"
Kenna: " Oh She is going to be so excited to see me"
Ash laughing "Yes she will"
And was she ever right I am ALWAYS excited to see her beautful little face and her giant personality in one little adorable body! She just started preschool a few weeks ago and dance... she wants to be a teacher and a rainbow when she grows up oh how I love her! I LOVE being an AUNT to all my nephews and neices!
Being an Aunt is the Best thing EVER!

It never gets easier...

We went to Blazes grave on Friday... to take him his pumpkin for halloween and balloons. Something inside of me knows he loves balloons.. I think Red would be his favorite color. So each time we go to be at our little angels graveside we take ballons. Most of the time it is surreal that we have to visit our little boy at his graveside. This time seemed particullarly hard seeing our names on a head stone struck my heart. We miss him everyday and are grateful he is ours forever!

For me the reality is that it never gets easier to visit his graveside. We still cry and we still long to hold him and have him in our lives. In some ways the feelings of hurt and anger have subdued into feelings of learning and hoping I am being the Mom he needs. I hope I have learned from the trials and heartache placed before me. I hope to be better in order to be with our angel again! I hope he knows just how much we love him and he doesn't feel forgotten! Most of all I hope he feels the Love we have for him!
We got him these flowers for Memorial day... and some earthly angel (we don't know who) has watered them all summer so to who ever it may be THANK YOU for being there when we cannot! We feel so blessed to have you watch over out little angels grave.
Other pics... her I am at 17 weeks... I think... I thought I was huge LAME! And here is 21 weeks big difference! Baby G is growing fast we're grateful for everyday we get to be part of another miracle in our lives. We find comfort in the thought that Blaze is helping his little brother along the way :)

If you missed the last post check it out... it's from Ray he is hilarious! I am lucky to be surrounded by a house full of wonderful boys! Ray, Blaze, soon Baby G, and Dexter. I love it!

A New Piece of Heaven!!

Okay, first so everyone knows, this is Ray... Janet's amazing, hot husband (okay, mostly I think that of her, but you know...). So I don't hardly ever check this blog, or post to it, but the other day I came across something worth posting, that everyone should know about and try... THE NEW COKE FOUNTAIN!!!

So we walk into Cafe Rio and there are these new red machines next to the regular coke fountain, of course I HAVE to check this out. So I walk to the machine with my cup, and notice there is only one spout in the cubby... okay we'll figure this out. First, push the cup against the tab and out comes the ice... okay step one down. Next observe the "TOUCH" screen filled with about 16choices of soda flavors... YEAH 16 choices... but it doesn't stop there.

Being a fan of orange soda, I pick the FANTA selection on the touch screen. Up next on the screen, not only is there a selection for Orange Fanta... but about 7 or 8 different choices of flavors!! Yeah, I could pick Strawberry, Raspberry, Grape, Peach, Lime, and on and on. Now if there is one thing I like more than orange, it's peach... HAD TO HAVE IT!!!

After having my delicious peach soda, I had to go back... I picked the Root Beer button, praying for vanilla root beer, but alas, it wasn't to be. Okay, let's try the Coke, after the coke screen I could choose from vanilla, lime, cherry, or orange. Orange Coke? Have to try it!! But wait... a dreamcicle Coke? Now we're talking... Half Vanilla, Half Orange Coke... MONEY!!!

I will be putting one of these in my den when we build our house... But only after we fix the problem of the Vanilla Root Beer and Vanilla Orange Fanta... come on Coke, that isn't Rocket Surgery.

Lifes Decisions

This may be a spuing post... I have a lot on my mind that needs to be recorded for journaling purposes... so here we go.
Last week on the way to Rays baseball games we were talking about school (a frequent in our home) we've been discussing the option of him getting his Masters in Chemical Engineering.. the U will pay for it and it's only another year. Well a while ago we had decided that was not what he wanted to do. So our conversation went something like this...
Ray "I think I want to get a minor in Nuclear engineering and have my major be Chemical Engineering"
Me "Okay what does that mean?"
Ray "One more year of school"
Me "Okay why do you want to do that instead of getting your masters"
Ray "Better job opportunities, and more experience in more than just one area"
Me "Okay so I need to keep working after baby G. comes?"
Ray "I don't want you to, but in order to keep our insurance I think so"
Me "Okay..."
So after a little time to process... I don't want to go back to work the plan was just to go back for a few months until Ray graduates... but with this new horizon I just get to say I'll do it... I don't want to but if it means better opportunities for us in the future I can make the sacrifice.. my Mom always worked and usually more than one job. Most of the women in my family work... and we seem to have turned out great in my opinion... I've come to realize with age life isn't always fair and being a stay at home mom isn't in the cards for everyone... one day just not yet.

So many conversations have come after that... Will we stay in school for another year? Should we? What will be best for our family? How do we know if this is whats right? I guess it will all come in time. Meanwhile I try not to worry about daycare or where our little guy will go while his Mommy works and Daddy schools... but I have a feeling it will all work out. And if working means insurance for our family it's what needs to be done.

In other news...
We had an ultrasound of our little man Baby G. yesterday. He is A-DORABLE if I do say so myself... he doesn't really like being invaded with the ultrasound techs. He is a little thumb sucker just like Blaze was and WE LOVE HIM! Everything looks great so far one more ultrasound in 2 weeks will tell if anymore extra measures to keep him in need to be done but so far so good.

I got an A on a book analysis that I did last week. I read the book in 2 days and wrote the report the night before it was due (I missed the first class and had no idea about it that's why there was such a rush) I almost died when he handed me the paper with a A on it :) saing "Supurb job Janet" WHAT.... Okay so maybe I don't mind being graded ha ha.

They're selling the house we live in currently... so we hope it doesn't sell quickly... so we can stay for a while WE LOVE IT THERE! We love the ward! We love our friends and neighbors! We LOVE the yard and we LOVE the view... hopefully it will be a while!

Pics to come of Baby G. and the belly... we no longer have the internet at home... so its hard to download pics... but they will come :)

Ten Pound Melt Down

Ok so my usual Monday morning routine...
Stay in bed as long as humanly possible because it can't possibly be Monday already!
Wake Up
Roll out of bed
Let Dexter out because he might die if he has to wait one more minute
Wobble into the bathroom
Do the usual morning thing
Get on the scale... WHAT 10LBS that can't be right...
Weigh again... yes 10LBS
I KNOW I AM PREGNANT PEEPS I understand that but 10lbs in 20 weeks... Ahhh
CONFESSION: I LOVE OREOS They're my most recent desirable sin... ok there I got it off my chest I may have consumed a few too many this weekend resulting in the more than I'd like it to be weigh gain.
The reason I have such a hard time with weight gain... is I have work so hard over the last 10 years to loose it... finally for the first time in my life I am starting to feel good about my body then we get pregnant. Which we are exstatic about don't at all get me wrong we have waited for so long for another little baby to join our family we can't even wait!
Weight gain is just such a struggle for me after working so hard to get it off... I've lost 70lbs... (one day I'll post pics of then & now) So this morning I had my 10lb melt down... I feel gross and out of shape and giggly I know its all for a good cause... its just a very mental thing for me to learn it's ok to gain.

Blazes Little ....

It's a BOY!!! We are SO EXCITED! Shocked that we're having a boy but oh so excited! We bought him this little outfit to bring him home in. Everything looks great and we go back in 2 weeks to make sure it's all still good! Yeah for little boys we feel so blessed!

Doctor Appts and Blazes Box

Today we meet with Maternal Fetal Medicine for the start of something we hope is more in our control this time. The Doctors are watching us very close to try and prevent preterm labor... I started Progesterone shots 2 weeks ago Monday and Ray is great at making sure he doesn't hurt me when he gives them to me in the hips. Now onto the next 10 weeks we will have regular check ups with the goal of getting us past 28 weeks. I am full of emotion... to say the least.
This week has been a tearful one I think for many reasons...
1) Labor day is over and that means so are the family campouts and I am always emotional when I have to come back 'home' and not be with my family anymore.
2) Fall is already here... I was so dang HOT this summer I thought I would die I didn't wish the summer away but it seemed to fly by and time is getting away from me
3) We're nearing the 20s of this pregnancy... I am scared, I am nervous, I am worried, and I am trying to be calm but my heart is reliving steps with Blaze. How far along we were.. what if we have to go thru the same things again? Am I strong enough to watch my baby in an incubator knowing there is very little I can do other than pray but know it is not up to me alone!
We got down Blazes box on Tuesday ... to look for his picture CD that we can't find... so I thought maybe it would be in there... the last time I looked in Blazes box was when we packed it to move almost a year ago. I asked Ray to do it knowing I may not be able to handle it... so I let him get it down from our closet and I then went in to help. We were both in tears pulling out his tiny clothes, seeing the blankets we last held him in, the tiny shoes from Aunt Ashleigh, the gifts and cards from people we love so much and people we don't even know, and the premee outfit we put him in that was way to big but he was cold... all of the emotions of such loss and heartache from someone we love so much tucked away in one little box. He is our little hero and I hope he is in heaven teaching this little baby all he knows.
So my heart is excited and scared all at the same time. I hope heaven knows the love we have for Blaze and the hope and love we have for this little one to come.
We Love You Blaze!
I will let you know if we get to find out the gender today :) ahhhh I will be shocked if it is not a girl :) We will see what my motherly instincts bring.