Blazes Little ....

It's a BOY!!! We are SO EXCITED! Shocked that we're having a boy but oh so excited! We bought him this little outfit to bring him home in. Everything looks great and we go back in 2 weeks to make sure it's all still good! Yeah for little boys we feel so blessed!

Doctor Appts and Blazes Box

Today we meet with Maternal Fetal Medicine for the start of something we hope is more in our control this time. The Doctors are watching us very close to try and prevent preterm labor... I started Progesterone shots 2 weeks ago Monday and Ray is great at making sure he doesn't hurt me when he gives them to me in the hips. Now onto the next 10 weeks we will have regular check ups with the goal of getting us past 28 weeks. I am full of emotion... to say the least.
This week has been a tearful one I think for many reasons...
1) Labor day is over and that means so are the family campouts and I am always emotional when I have to come back 'home' and not be with my family anymore.
2) Fall is already here... I was so dang HOT this summer I thought I would die I didn't wish the summer away but it seemed to fly by and time is getting away from me
3) We're nearing the 20s of this pregnancy... I am scared, I am nervous, I am worried, and I am trying to be calm but my heart is reliving steps with Blaze. How far along we were.. what if we have to go thru the same things again? Am I strong enough to watch my baby in an incubator knowing there is very little I can do other than pray but know it is not up to me alone!
We got down Blazes box on Tuesday ... to look for his picture CD that we can't find... so I thought maybe it would be in there... the last time I looked in Blazes box was when we packed it to move almost a year ago. I asked Ray to do it knowing I may not be able to handle it... so I let him get it down from our closet and I then went in to help. We were both in tears pulling out his tiny clothes, seeing the blankets we last held him in, the tiny shoes from Aunt Ashleigh, the gifts and cards from people we love so much and people we don't even know, and the premee outfit we put him in that was way to big but he was cold... all of the emotions of such loss and heartache from someone we love so much tucked away in one little box. He is our little hero and I hope he is in heaven teaching this little baby all he knows.
So my heart is excited and scared all at the same time. I hope heaven knows the love we have for Blaze and the hope and love we have for this little one to come.
We Love You Blaze!
I will let you know if we get to find out the gender today :) ahhhh I will be shocked if it is not a girl :) We will see what my motherly instincts bring.

Ohhhh Back to School

Its already here... School is starting again. Ray starts today and I start Wednesday. Its finally time for me to go back. I have been putting Ray thru school for a few years since we both couldn't afford to go and I had the better job but the time has come for me to go back.

For years I have been tormented with what I want to be when I grow up... I always thought I wanted to be a Kindergarden teacher I LOVE that age they are so fun. So my entire education has been centered around that. However the older I get it just doesn't feel right. I love kids and I want to make a difference in the lives of others but I don't feel like the public school system is the way for me to do that. I also started hairschool (that was very short lived) I love hair but can't stand Drama so we have been waiting till I could go full time.
To make a very long story short I decided just to register for classes and hopefully I could find something that I would really love... well I've decided to head towards Pediatric Social Work. Because of Blaze and a WONDERFUL social worker at the hospital named Carol. I have decided that is how I can make a difference in the lives of others. It has been 1 yr and 3 months since we lost Blaze and I still remember how wonderful she was. The way she impacted our lives in just one week changed us forever! She loved Blaze and never missed one day seeing us and making sure we were doing alright. She was there every minute during his life flight experience and took the time to send us every picture the sweet nurses had taken of our little angel. I want to make that kind of a difference for families who are facing trials we have faced. It finally feels right and for the first time in years I have peace about school. I finally know what I want to be when I grow up :) Good thing I'm not grown up yet! I might be the oldest one in my classes but you're never too old to learn right :) Back to School!

Raging FUN weekend

Ash and Mike came down to spend the weekend with us and we had a BLAST!!
Friday night we ordered Pizza and went shopping (Target I LOVE YOU). We stayed up way too late and had a great time talking and laughing.
Saturday we girls went to get Pedis while the boys went golfing. (Pics of Pedis to come)
Then we went to Raging waters ALL DAY we had a SO MUCH FUN!

This is the pre-wet and pre-sunburned us :)
Let the FUN begin!

Kenna & Tasian in the tube waiting to go down slides. LOVE THEM!
Ray off the rope swing... don't worry he didn't land on his back like that.
Ash off the slide... the water was FREEZING! Mike went with her but he came out later Sorry Mike I didn't get it.
Kenna couldn't take it anymore and fell asleep in the tube while in the wave pool... so Ash and Mike carried her back to our spot and she slept happily for over an hour.
THEN... We went home got ready and went to the Demolition Derby with the Jespersens we LAUGHED so hard we had a great time!

We stayed up way late again and had fun all day Sunday celebrating Jennas b-day with the fam! I LOVE WEEKENDS! Thanks Ash and Mike for all the fun!

Saturday Showers of Love

Last Saturday I spent all day with my sister

She had a shopping day in Park City with all of her girlfriends from HS and invited me to come shop the day with her... I thought I'd only be there a couple hours... how about 7!
I loved every minute I got to spend with her!
She is a wife to Mike for 7 amazing years.
She is a mother of 3. One in Heaven playing with Blaze and two here that I ADORE.
She is working as a CNA
She is a full time student to be a pediatric nurse.
She is a business owner.
She is a runner and fitness guru.
She spends at least an hour a day on the phone with me... sometimes giggling. sometimes venting, sometimes crying. We never miss a day talking to each other.
She is a daughter, an aunt, a sister, and a friend.
She is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING to me!
She is my BEST FRIEND!
I feel so blessed to have her as my Sister! We had a blast shopping and I can't wait to spend this whole weekend with her too!
then I met Ray in Heber to watch a rodeo... WE LOVE RODEOS :). So shout out to J and his snow shack he got us in for free... it was fun but cold so we didn't stay the whole time. We got home and Ray had a present for me...
he made me these...
Car Seat Covers for our Baby... WHAT A MAN!

They are totally John Deere... SO CUTE!
I was so surprised. I've been making them to sell and he's been helping me make some little boys ties... so I thought the surprise was a bunch of ties.. NOPE he went and got fabric and sewed these adorable car seat covers for our little baby. One for a boy and one for a girl. So when we find out what we're having we will have a car seat cover made with love.
I feel so blessed to be married to Ray! He is the LOVE OF MY LIFE! I think back on all we have been thru in almost 4 years (since we started dating) and I can't imagine how empty my life would be without him. I couldn't have made it thru the trials we have faced without him by my side.
He is my Hero.
He is a full time student at the U (GO UTAH)as well as an Intern.
He is a lawn mowing, weed pulling, fence fixing, Dexter bathing and loving, bed making, lunch fixing, surpise brewing, handsome, and a million more things Man.
I AM SO IN LOVE WITH HIM!
So Saturday night I lay in bed feeling so blessed that I got to spend the day with two people that I LOVE. I feel blessed to be part of their lives and I am a better person because of both of them. I am grateful to have bonds that will last beyond this life and to know what love feels like!

Sweet Ordella

In November we were able to move in with this sweet lady her name is Ordella Mathews. She needed help with her yard, driving her places, and just a little company. And we agreed for cheaper rent and to for the opportunity to serve someone... little did we know we would be the ones who were blessed. Sweet Ordella passed away on Sunday July 25th after complications following a surgery. In the short time we were able to know her she blessed our lives beyond measure. She tragically lost both of her sons in seperate accidents and not long after her husband. Yet she carried on knowing the Savior was by her side and she didn't have to do it alone. She was a great example to me of faith and perseverance. It is very surreal that she is not coming back 'home' and we won't see her again in this life. I just wanted to post how grateful we feel for the opportunity to know such a woman she was a blessing to all who knew her and will be greatly missed.
This is the most recent happening in our lives our apartment was lent out to family for a few weeks permanently over the weekend so thanks to Sweet Tyrel & Elena we popped in last minute for a spendee and stayed up way too late and they watched Dex THANK YOU SO MUCH! And thanks to Shells and JL for letting us have a spendee another night. We are Blessed and Ordella will be greatly missed!

Life or Something Like It

Have you ever seen the movie Life of Something Like it? I think it has Angelia Jolee anyway I loved that movie when I first saw it... it has been so long since I've seen it I would need to watch it again to see if I still do. Anyway it is about this woman who has the 'perfect' life she loves her job and her life is going great until she meets a homeless man who's predictions always come true.. he tells her she will die in the next week or something like that.. so she is forced to focus on the things that really matter and what she would do with her last week.
This brings me to my point.. sometimes I feel like life is good no unforeseen things lurking in the future that might throw a wrench into how good life is at the moment. BUT the wrenches ALWAYS come and the Heartache soon follows I guess it teaches me to be a little more grateful for when life is so good.
For me this is a venting post about all the things that I feel are unfair not just in my life but in the lives of those I love so much sometimes I feel like I am not cut out for this life my heart can't handle the constant heartache and helplessness I feel when others are in need. So for today here are some of the things I wish...
I wish
I could just have enough money to take care of those who struggle financially. Not to just hand out money but to give it to those who are trying so hard to keep going when the world pushes against them in everything they do.
I wish
I had enough time to just sit with each one of the people I love and listen to their heartaches, triumphs, dreams, and their wishes
I wish
I was a missionary again and could see the Love the Savior has for each one of us without being so judgmental and unkind
I wish
We could all take the time to see the good in each other rather than look for the flaws
I wish
I could hold my little boy again to catch the glimpse of Heaven and tell him that I love him.

My heart is extremely heavy today for all the things I feel like I don't have time to do. For all of those in my family and in my life who struggle hoping better days will come but seeing no sign of relief in sight. And for the things I feel like I don't have time to do...
I have been reminded for the last little while that we are not here for all the physical things we came for our spirits... my spirit has been neglected as I have turned my focus to all of the other things that need to be done... perhaps it is time to re-adjust to the things that matter and let my Heavenly Father redirect where my focus should be. Heaven help me to be a little better!