We are one week into May and trying to make a difference in some ways I hope I am making a difference and other ways are more noticeable. One thing that sticks out this past week for me was I went to the grocery store... and the checker gave me the incorrect change it was only by a nickel... but she was in such a hurry that she just handed me the change and moved right on. I noticed right away so I kindly said "You gave me too much change" the woman in line behind me said "Thats nice of you" I didn't really think about it but I hope that I made a difference in some small way. This is not really what I had in mind but I think every thought counts.
Thank You everyone who has joined in to help us we are so blessed to have you in our lives! Thank You for your love and support for our little family!
Today is Mothers Day... It has been emotionally much harder than I thought it might be. One Year ago today I went into premature labor... We spent last Mothers Day in the hospital being visited by people we love and waiting for Monday so my doctor would tell us everything was okay and release us to go home... that obviously never happened. I have had a hard day knowing we celebrate motherhood but my little child is not here. Do not get me wrong I am grateful to be a woman and rejoice in womanhood. I just struggle feeling I was born to be a mother and despite our many efforts our little boy is not physically with us and our efforts to expand our family are out of our control.
I don't look forward to the emotions of this week. My heart is very heavy as I long to celebrate Blazes first birthday with him here... I struggle with the thoughts that I do not get to see him make a mess of his cake in his highchair, to see him rip open presents and love the paper more than the gifts, and to take pictures of our ever changing little boy. Instead we will go to his grave and sing happee birthday into the wind hoping it will carry it to where he may be. There will be many tears and heartache as we continue on this journey we call life without one of our own. I find comfort in knowing our Savior holds him near but I can't stop the ache my heart feels wishing he were here. So bring on the week... and heaven help me see the needs in others as a way to bring heaven near.
As always WE LOVE YOU! Thank You for your love and prayers in behalf of our little family.
12 comments:
You make me want to be a better person. You have always done that. You have that ability to influence people's lives. I love you and I know this week will be hard... but I have faith that this will all make sense in the long run and that even though he is not physically here, he still lives, he is still your child, you are still his Mom....
I love you. I am going to make a difference to someone TODAY.
I love you Janet.
Loving you from afar and wishing I could hug you and that we could cry together. I'll be praying for you and Ray this week.
We love you guys, and look up to you at how strong and couragous you are! Our prayers are always with you, but we are spending the day in the temple Friday, and know that more than one of our prayers and thoughts will be for you!
Love You!
I will be thinking of you this week! I am so sorry you have to go through this. You are an amazing person, and I love you!!
Janet you are holding on with every ounce you've got and I admire that. I admire your honesty in what you are feeling and that you always include the Savior. I feel confident that He is proud of you. As is Blaze, to have a mommy who makes sure she is doing everything she knows how to see him again.
You will always have my prayers and love sweetie. Your wonderful.
Janet, I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you often. I know I haven't said it enough, especially recently, but you are amazing and strong. This is why you are the mother you are. You can do hard things. And one day, everything will be as it should. Love you, girl!
Oh Janet, I love you and I know your emotions are raw, but you are so strong, so beautiful and so amazing. I'm so proud of how you and Ray have kept going despite your heartbreak. You guys are awesome and I love you!
whaaaa! you are such a good little writer, and I wish I would have had something like this to blog my feelings on stressful days- your still an amazing mom, aunt, sister and friend- so let that be your celebration for mothers day- I know this is a hard week, but there is lots of thoughts and prayers coming your way to help you along a little more- we love you!
I remember this time last year and the heartache I felt for your family. I can't imagine magnifying the heartache I felt to yours. You are so strong.
This must have been a rough week for you. I can't imagine and I'm so sorry. Know that I continue to think about you, and pray for you guys.
Hi Janet
I thought about you and Ray alot yesterday, and all of the heartache you have gone through this past year, and for that I am so sorry. BUT then I saw you and after we talked I just kept thinking about how when I said "you made it," and you said "I didn't really have a choice." The truth is Janet you do. Everyday that you get out of bed and go one your way, (even when you don't feel like it) you are making a choice, every nice word you say or smile you put on your face is making a choice. You chose to share your feelings, your heartache, and your testimony, and through that have taught gospel principals to so many this past year. You have run marathons,and you have challenged others to grow along with you. Even though you may feel like you don't have a choice, but to go on, you do, and as you do, you are an AMAZING example of faith and strength to everyone who follows your blog.
The emotions you are feeling work both ways. My heart yearned to have my mom with me on Mother's Day. I wanted her to hold me and touch my hair the way she always did. I wanted to hear her talk, laugh and sing. I wanted her to tell me everything was going to be okay like she has millions of times. I wanted to smell the beautiful smell of her perfume. My heart is heavy. Having said all of that, I am so very grateful to have had a mom who loved me. She did her very best to see that I was raised as I should be. I love her for that. I know that even though I am now without her, that she is never far away and someday we will be together again. I am so very grateful to know that.
My dearest Janet, you are an inspiration to me. You inspire me to try harder and to be kinder. I am "more" having you in my life. Thank-you for sharing those special words.
Let's all make a difference this coming week. I know that I will try.
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