I usually don't do just journal posts I wait till I have pictures to show what we've been up to and I have some DARLING ones of our little nieces and nephews on Halloween soon to come...
I just want to share a little bit of one of Lifes little bumps that seem to be all along the way... it seems that they pull at my heartstrings every so often in a way that I feel Heavenly Father saying " Now Janet it is time for me to stretch you and help you grow a little bit more... its going to hurt a little but I will be here" A little heart surgery is what I like to call it.
Ray and I have been trying for a year to have a baby... to fill our lives with little ones and more laughter and love. I have been thru tests and last week it was Rays turn to have a test. Well we got the results back today... needless to say our chances of having a little one on our own are not very good. Our hearts are so heavy but we are trying to see the sunshine thru the rain. When it is our turn I know that God will bless us with the little ones we have been waiting for. Sometimes it is just so hard when it is not our timing but his. Rays Dad wrote us a letter a few weeks ago and gave us some sound advise that made a great impact but now makes an even greater one he said. " Families come in all shapes, colors and sizes it is not always ideal how them come to us but they will come" How true that is. I have to believe that God has a plan in how this will all work out... I guess I just want to express my gratitude to him for knowing what is best even though we don't undertand. I am grateful to know that he has our best intrests at heart even though we may not see what they are looking back he always has. He sees the big picture and knows when we need to stretch and grow to be a little stronger and a little better.
I am so grateful for the family he has given both of us. We have been so blessed to be surrounded by people that we Love and that support us in all we do. I am grateful for Ray what a great man he is I love him with my whole heart I can't imagine going thru this without him by my side. I am especially grateful for my Sister Ashleigh she is great at helping me see the sunshine all along the way she is such a strength to me! I am grateful for all of my siblings I have the worlds greatest broothers. We all Love and support each other thru lifes little trials. My Brother Jon called me today and said "the world teaches you to live for today it's all you've got... but with my experience living for tomorrow is what gets us thru lifes tough todays" What a profound statement so we'll look forward to tomorrow and know that miracles happen!
9 comments:
Janet,
Your entry touched me. Thank you for your words. You are a good woman and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts because they have helped me. :) God is aware of us and He loves us, especially through the more challenging parts in life. He won't abandon us. I'll pray for you!
You are such a great example of faith! I'm so glad I'm part of your family. We know firsthand the heartache of infertility and having to accept God's will and timing when we want things NOW. Continue to be faithful and at times when your heart is the most sorrowful and your arms are still empty and longing to hold a little one remember that you are not alone. Through the Atonement, Christ not only took upon himself the sins of the world, but he also experienced all the grief and heartache that we will experience in this life. He is the only one who truly knows and understands how we feel and He knows better than we ever will the things that will make us the best person we can be. You are in our prayers! Check out www.2ofus4now.org. I love all the info and support that site provides for LDS couples.
Janet & Ray--We love you so much. My heart breaks for you and I'm so sorry for the sadness you're experiencing. We've never experienced infertility issues, but we have known life's "little bumps." It's so hard, but good for the spiritual growth when the only relief you can feel is when you're on your knees. We love you and you will be in our thoughts and prayers. You're both amazing people!
Janet and Ray,
Wow! You are amazing! I truly look up to you. I had no idea that you were struggling with infertility but believe me I know exactly your pain! It took us 3 years to get pregnant with this one, but it finally happened! There were so many tests and month to month hopes that were dashed. As this pregnancy has progressed it reaffirms to me how much the Lord does give us trials and then helps along the way. At the conclusion of the "little bump" I look back and appreciate all that I have learned and realize that timing is everything. Thank you for sharing your insights! I wish that I had that understanding while we were trying. I know that it isn't easy and you feel that "if only I can make it through today...it will be a miracle!" but I promise you that things will work out. I know that the Lord loves you and watches out for you! It is okay to be mad and sad but at the end of the day don't forget to thank the Lord for what you do have. One way or the other you will be able to bless the lives of children that come from you or are brought to you through someone else, but it will work out! You are in my prayers. I love you and good luck!
dearest janet and ray,
wow. i can't help but cry in the office right now. i'm trying to hide it from my co-workers....not working very well.
you post has really opened up my heart strings today. i have nothing but the utmost respect for you and your hubby. i'm not suprised by your strenght and faith though...the two of you are AMAZING!....and i love you for it.
know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Hi Janet! Thanks for commenting. It was fun to see your blog. It sounds like you have a wonderful life. Keep in touch.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you as you listen to the promptings of the Comforter as our Heavenly Father leads and guides you. Thank you for your honest and open post-- it is such a beautiful thing to realize that we're all in this life-thing together! Our challenges are different, but our hearts all ache and we truly do need each other.
Oh Janet, I am sooo Sorry to hear about this. you are going to make the best parents/ You truly are amazing. We have a Brother and his wife that have been trying for 3years, failed invitro once and are trying once more. i can't even imagine and pain and sorrow of wanted this little spirit so much and not being able to love and experience mother-hood (something most of us want from girlhood). It is so hard to understand, "What God plan is for us", and Why things happen when they do. You have a great hubby and wonderful family support. Just remeber, your babies are waiting for you, just may need to get here another way. I know thats true for me and Casey. My body can't handle another baby. But we hope to be parents again one day. My mom and dad are the best, and i am truley grateful to be in this family. and would of never been had it not been for the church and adopting and the wonderful power of being sealed. We love you guys,
I'm sorry! I can't even imagine how you must be feeling. I don't know what to say. But, you are right, one way or another, your family will grow, and you'll appreciate it that much more. We would never feel joy if we didn't also feel sorrow.
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